Feel so guilty…

[flyingwithfairies]

Hi ladies,

I could do with a bit of support/reassurance etc please? Hopefully I can make something coherent out of the thoughts in my brain!

I left my husband recently and went in to refuge. I’ve been advised to a see a solicitor to get an emergency order to allow our baby to stay with me. It’s being done as an emergency because of threats that are close to approaching the date. Even with all this, I still feel so incredibly guilty.

I have absolutely no intention of stopping my baby see his Dad – well unless his Dad was to harm him of course but I recognise their relationship is separate to ours but I also completely accept that his Dad is now trying to use our baby as a way to control me. I suppose he knows that my little baba is the last thing that could get me back to him sort of thing. I live and breathe for my baby.

I just feel so horrible. Like I’m saying he’s a bad dad and do I really have a right to say that he can’t take his own child anywhere without my own permission? Gah, it’s a horrible position 🙁

I feel guilty about everything in general if I’m honest. I worry it is me, not him. That I am overreacting, just a drama queen and a massive drain on resources.

[KIP.]

Please do not feel guilty, you are in a refuge and on this website for a reason. We minimise the abuse over a long period. Any man who abuses the mother of his child is not a fit father as far as I’m concerned, and never will be. The impact on you as a mother both physically and mentally has a direct impact on your child.

Here’s an old post I kept….

There’s nothing inside of him that can love you or anybody else.
The same logic applies to having a child or children with him. If he wasn’t there to support you meaningfully during the emotional and physical challenges of pregnancy, he’ll remain equally unreliable and unsupportive as you raise your child. If he treated you with disrespect and even contempt before you had a child together, that’s how he’ll continue to treat you afterwards. If he shirked his professional and personal duties before, he won’t be able to handle the most important responsibility of all, which is raising a child. And if he abused you, he will abuse your child, at the very least emotionally.

The Loser will remain a loser no matter whom he attaches to because his evil actions reflect his true identity. He deliberately hurts others not because they’re not right for him, as he claims to shift the blame, but because he’s not right for anybody else.

[Falling Skys]

Hi and hugs

A man that abusive the mother of his child is a bad father.

This is not something you wanted you didn’t ask him to treat you badly, as you become further from the situation you will see things more clearly.

Your child his safety takes president, you need to make things legal that the child stays with you and you have control of his movements when he has the child.

Good luck

FS xx

[Ayanna]

I am glad you are safe in a refuge.
Look up ‘Trauma Bonding’ and ‘Stockholm Syndrome’.
The situation is still new, that’s why you feel so bad.
The longer you are away from him and free from the brainwashing the more you will realise how well you did for getting away.
If you can, join the Freedom Programme.

[older lady]

I think it’s more that you are acting to safeguard your child from someone you know to be abusive. That’s the responsibility and right of a parent. x

[Author]

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