Feel so low and powerless today

[fizzylem]

My ex has done such a good job on messing with my child’s head over the last few years that now she’s depressed, torn in two directions with her parents. When if he had supported her and us, this would never have happened.

I just dont think I have the strength for this anymore and maybe bowing out is the right thing to do for her. Is she better being with one inadequate and controlling parent that won’t meet her needs than in the middle?

It’s the being in the middle that is / has damaged her. I can’t remove him no matter how much I wish it, maybe I need to remove me?

I just cant see her being happy with him, but I can see we would do well on our own with an order maybe – although it never really ends there does it. I’m just worn out and very low today with them both, I will pick up the fight again in a few days time – because what other choice do I have?

Feels like my choice is which course will cause the least damage.

My child, being a child, can not see past today; and is not aware of the full implications or outcomes in either of these two family set ups.

[diymum@1]

if you weigh it up she needs you. your the best lovliest mother she could ask for. shes very lucky in this respect, very. an inadequate controlling father will have the outcome off two things – she will turn into him and against you or she will become withrawn depressed and wont be able to function in the world she may be vulnerable fall into drugs, get into an abusive relationship many senarios that you dont want for her. in a few days if i know you youll take the reigns – you know best look at the knowledge and experience you have!? dont question this – shes in the middle now yes but she will get over this my daughter has. kids are resilient remember that – i do honestlt think slowly you need to get hi out of your lives tho i think her being depressed is all down to him. you feel guilty because your not in a position to give her what you want to give her but he put you under these circumstances. lift that guilt off yourself – you know what you need to do but take your time do what needs done on the strong days and rest on days like today – recharge. have you heard of the story of robert burns? from ourscottish history about the spider who couldnt get his web to fix on to the wall. it was if you dont suceed try and try again xxxx he did make his wee web 🙂 much love diymum

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Fizzylem, sweetheart, I understand your dilemma and understand your thought process and only you can make this decision. You’ll have to ask yourself if you see yourself content with your decision in one years time, two, three, until she is grown-up.
I believe you have absolutely the right to put yourself first and consider your options.

I know I have decided to not put my own children in the middle of a fight and for now rather focus on building an abuse-free life where they will be welcome in the future, which I know they will dearly need.

Since your daughter is now depressed, I wonder if that can be somehow used against him? From Survivor thread I’ve seen one way to go about it is to remove yourself first during hand-overs which you’ve already accomplished doing, then impose supervised access, until he will eventually remove himself of the equation?
What he is doing is basically child abuse, she is distressed because of his abuse, maybe there is a way to prove it? The law protecting children is asking for evidence of the effect and pattern of controlling and coercive behaviours, just as for the adults.
What does wa advise you?

I’m really sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. If only he would get busy with his own life already and leave you guys alone.

Take it easy today honey, it’s just a bad day, tomorrow will be better already. Breathe in and out and enjoy the sunshine outside, let decisions wait for awhile and put the focus on your well-being.
Sending you big hugs 💞

[Author]

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