Feel so much anger sometimes

[bloobird]

Hi everyone,I left my abusive ex (detail removed by moderator),just left took nothing except my passport and with the help of my family who I hadn’t seen for years got a flat miles and miles away from my “hometown”,kept my job as a (detail removed by moderator) and went total no contact. This lasted (detail removed by moderator) until I had to call him as he kept turning up where I worked saying he was worried that I’d disappeared and something night have happened to me. People said I should call him and tell him it was over. I did ,he begged pleased promised to change until he realised I wasn’t coming back the vicious insults started coming through by text,changed my number and (detail removed by moderator) months later he’s with someone else and I’m the bad one. I am so angry sometimes that not only has he got away with what he did to me over the years but that because I’ll never go back to where I used to live he can paint himself as the victim and me as a cruel heartless b***h. It’s so annoying that I can’t just see him and make him admit how hateful,using,manipulative,terrifying ,he was,and probably still is. Using his bad childhood to slap me spit in my face take my wages harm himself and blame it on me,wreck the three cars I had I’ve the years,trying to get me to have sex with other men,take drugs never work ,smash my things up,and generally rule my life. I am doing so well in the surface,job,car,money,flat going abroad soon but inside I’m numb I don’t want people to know me,I can’t trust anyone again and I just feel like an idiot for putting up with it for so long.
Sorry I have rambled its the first time I’ve posted,so hi to you if you’re reading and thanks for “listening”,I’m not a victim,I’m a survivor I know that,I just need some support and I find it so hard to ask for help or admit I’m struggling ,but hey least I’m free x*x x*x

[diymum@1]

hi there welcome to us survivors in deed 🙂 have you thought about filling about a claires law with the police – he may have done this before and he will definitely do this to the new gf. it is frustrating that these men just seem to be getting on with life fine and dandy – but the truth is everything they feel is very superficial its not ‘real’ feelings. as time goes on i find this thought kind of comforting – as it it had a been real look what we would have missed. theres good people out there unfortunately our exs arent them. you had a lucky escape dodged that bullet so to speak. yeh claires law maybe an option and thank goodness you dont have kids with him because they use the kids to get at you! youll get there and your holiday will do you the world of good. not everyone will understand what youve neen through but there are people who fully understand mainly the ones who have been through this too. there are lots of us xx take care much love diymum

[Lisa]

Hi bloobird,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. Your feelings of anger are completely justified. Perhaps try to use those feelings to propel you forward. It sounds like you’ve done incredibly well at sorting out all the practical elements of life, these things often have to come first, then the emotional side tends to follow. It is normal for it to take time for emotions to rise.

All survivors deserve the opportunity to have specialised support to help with recovery from abuse, which will be ongoing and have many ups and downs. If you haven’t already, you can contact your local domestic abuse service to ask what support is available; they may have group peer support programmes, or be able to signpost you to some specialist counselling.

Kind Regards and Keep Posting,

Lisa

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