Feel so sad and used

[Sunnyday1234]

Hi ladies
I just feel so upset. I met a new person and told him about my historic sexual assaults which I am having therapy for and about my emotionally abusive marriage .. I am so strong and beem dating and really liked this guy . After we slept together for the first time he said he needed a nickname for me and chose something really derogatory and also made ‘jokes’ about my breasts saying they need nicknames and look like two bald men . He then didn’t contact me for a few days (and I did not him as I was mortified ) then he sent me an awful message saying he is house proud that when I left his house I had ruined his sheets during sex and also I ‘dripped’ on the carpet and he was going to have to say good ha
I am absolutely astounded ashamed and mortified at his behaviour especially knowing what he knows about my past (and was a perfect gentleman prior to that ) I just don’t know how to process this

[KIP.]

What an appalling person. Please block him. Have you done the freedom programme with women’s aid. I’d recommend it before starting dating again. It’s not always a good idea to share such intimate details but that advice is not going to make this experience less traumatic. Be kind to yourself and don’t let his behaviour make you feel bad about yourself. His behaviour is disgusting.

[nbumblebee]

Seriously what a vile nasty man please stay away. Do not let his beahviour ruin your strength it is his problem and certainly not yours. Take a breath be kind to yourself treat yourself to something nice and remind you of how amazing you are and how far you have come.
Sending hugs x

[Sunnyday1234]

Thank you for the messages
Yes I have done the freedom program. I have ptsd from my sexual assaults and the name he called me I keep dreaming about and keeps coming into my head makes me feel sick.
I am strong and won’t let him win and I am ever hopeful of meeting someone lovely which I thought I had and that’s why I trusted him with my information .
I don’t know how to forget this vile name I’m really struggling

[Anonymous]

Sunnyday1234, I’m so so sorry you experienced this, it is advised (can’t remember the lady on you tube who said it, wasn’t the regular ones)to not mention past abusers to potential new partners as they might see it as a green light to re-abuse you again, it is common for people to go through multiple abusive partner relationships (I know cos I’ve experienced it too) take some time to yourself to try and heal (I know it’s not easy) and also if a new partner pushes you past your comfort zone too soon or rushes you before your ready, or tries to make you feel it’s your idea to do things sooner than really knowing them then just bail and have no contact (that’s what I’ll be doing from now on) take care now 🤗💗🌞

[KIP.]

You could try some mindfulness to distract yourself from that name. Put a favourite song on and sing the lyrics. Or just face the name he called you, accept it was a hurtful name, let the hurt wash over you and tell the hurt it’s happened but it won’t hurt again. Write the name on paper and put it in the bin or watch it burn. Imagine a red balloon with the name on it, imagine that balloon floating away. Try to rationalise that abusers will find a name to call us because they know it will cause a reaction, it’s psychological terrorism. That name isn’t you, it’s just a trigger from a traumatic time in your life so reassuring words to yourself. You’re safe now, no one can harm you x try some positive mantras x “this too shall pass” was one of my favourites.

[Kessy]

That’s so awful. I think you have to stop talking to this person and block him everywhere. No one deserves to be treated like that, and I understood that only recently when I got out of a toxic relationship myself. Of course, I had to go through therapy and (detail removed by moderator) to feel at least a little bit better, but I’m glad that now, everything is fine.

[Grey Rock]

Oh goodness. What a vile man. The only slight positive is that he showed you what he was like and you saw it with clarity. No chances or excuses deserved with this sorry excuse for a man.

I’d suggest contacting the people who did Freedom Program with. Things like this are one of the reasons they say they’re always there even after the course

Please fight that shame. The shame should all be his.

Sending hugs xx

[Eyesopening]

I’m sorry that’s so sad to hear. No one deserves to be treated like that.
I wonder if there were any red flags before this treatment?
Take good care of yourself
x*x

[Grey Rock]

Hey Sunny day.

Been thinking about your post all day since reading it. The more I think about it the nastier this man sounds. Please do block the scumbag.

Sending you prayers for some serenity and that when you go to bed you’ll be thinking of the supportive words you read from people on here, bit the spiteful nastiness that man spouted.

Xx

[Grey Rock]

Hi Sunny Day.

Just listened to a Dr Ramani YouTube video and thought of you. If you Google ‘Dr Ramani knowing this distinction might help protect you from love bombing’. I’ve watched lots of Dr Ramani videos (I don’t think I’d have got away from my ex without the things I learned from them) but this video is so succinct its really worth a watch.

Hope you’re feeling better.

GR xx

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