Feel stuck

[Overcome]

Hi all,

My ex gave me a final episode of gas lighting some time ago now in which I stood up to him and called him out for what he was. Since then we have barely spoken. I still live in the family home at the moment as he works away a lot so we barely see each other. He has done a great job in smearing my name towards his family, not taking any responsibility for the grief he has caused me and the children.

I have sought help from victim support and have a solicitor on standby should I need to take things to court. The problem is I feel really stuck right now in my decision. I feel like I am getting nowhere in terms of looking for accommodation, I can’t afford to buy my own house, can’t afford to rent on my wage unless I house share and the council don’t have any properties available. I am living on borrowed time right now, he is making moves to get me out of the house, which he can do because everything is in his name. But at the same time he works away so much he wouldn’t be able to be there for the children.

I don’t have parents but do have siblings, it wouldn’t be ideal me staying with them but it is a last resort. However, there’s no room for me and my children there.

I just feel so stuck, and such injustice that I am the one struggling and trying to make ends meet whilst he gallivants off to do what he likes. What do I do?!

[Eaves]

I stupidly have been through this scenario for years and years.Just this morning he woke me up for no reason and then when I complained has given me the silent treatment for (detail removed by moderator) and as just blamed me for that. I have asked him to leave over and over again and he just refuses and says everything is my fault. I know now that it isn’t – he has some serious mental health issues and medication but he just stays here constantly gas lighting, manipulating us all and ignoring us if we get upset or ill. I have contacted a solicitor but it is so unfair that we are the ones who have to find hundreds of pounds to make this stop. Its just all wrong. Don’t just accept that you have to move from the family home if you have children. Him working way all the time means you are the main carer.if your solicitor hasn’t given you the option of a court order to keep him away whilst you and your kids sort out what to do, then find another. I only realised recently that the law has changed – he does not have to be violent – coercion and manipulation and frightening you repeatedly are all domestic abuse. My husband actually went (detail removed by moderator) and had hardly anything to do with us in all that time but still came back when I asked him not too because he ‘is entitled’ to live here. He may well be but he has no right to treat us like he does and neither does your partner. What sort of men think they are being good parents acting like this? Please don’t wait like I have done for him to change because he won’t. It has taken me (detail removed by moderator) years to go to uni, get a good job and realise that it was my undermined confidence from his manipulation and emotional abuse that has kept me here as it got worse and worse. What has changed now is I stand up to him but that just means he’s even more horrible and intent on breaking me. Find out elsewhere if you can get an order to keep him away for now for his constant domestic abuse and then you have some space to work it all out. Please don’t put your children through what I have – just finding somewhere for you all to be together safely is what’s important.

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