Feel stupid

[Muna]

The honey moon cycle has just ended. If u had asked me 3 days ago how things were I would have said he had been really nice. I started to write down my experiences, but if it wasn’t for these I wouldn’t even have recalled the bad times. Then it started going down hill, name calling, put downs, telling me I talk to other people to much etc etc it escalated to telling me I’m a (removed by moderator) mum and he’s looking for a better mum for our children and he will leave me and I can never see my children again etc then (removed by moderator) he showed his true colours again. Telling me that I’m a mum so I’m not allowed friends, I challenged him and said I need more in my life than work, kids and him and need ‘me time’. He smashed the house up, I was so intimidated and scared. He said he’s leaving and he knows I can’t afford childcare and bills in my wage alone but he’s refusing to help at all so that I have to ask him not too leave. I’ve told him he is not forgiven but he keeps telling me that I have forgiven him and that I love him. I hate him so much right now but hate that I feel stuck in this relationship even more

[Herindoors]

Hi Muna. Don’t feel stupid, these abusers know exactly how to reel us in before they start behaving badly. You are not stupid, you are just a nice person who believed his lies. They don’t show their true colours at first.

He sounds dangerous to me, he is already being violent around you and my personal experience was that it then escalated to violence against me. You need to get yourself and your kids away from this man. I know that is easily more said than done x

You need a safe escape plan. Have you called women’s aid? They will help you work out a way to stay safe and won’t rush you into anything.

We are all here for you. Take care xx

[KIP.]

Have you been to a solicitor? Most offer free advice. My ex used to say how I would never survive financially without him. Funny, cos the solicitor had a very different story x

[Lisa]

Hi Muna,

I’m sorry to read what you’re going through, it sounds like he is being extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. He may know that he is losing some control and therefore is trying to keep it in any way he can. This must be exhausting, confusing and very upsetting for you.

I think it would be really helpful for you to call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk to a female support worker in confidence. They won’t tell you what to do, but you can talk through your concerns and your options, it can really help.

Keep posting, we are all here for you.

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hi Muna,

Firstly i want to give you a huge hug. You must have been so scared when he was smashing up the house.

The things he says remind me of my husband – he tells me that he would never have left his mum if he knew i wasn’t going to look after him, calls me names – in front of the kids and so much more.

Please think about getting out. Don’t let him intimidate you – which i know is so much harder then it sounds – please, please call Womens aid – have a chat with them and get their help.

We are all here behind you, all the way. Know that its not your fault, nothing you have done or could have prevented. You need to think about yourself and your kids now.

Hugs

TTMO Xx

[Author]

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