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Been told today I was the worst person in the world to have his children with it I’m ready to explode my sister had a heart attack (detail removed by moderator) my aunt has a few weeks to live my mum and dads not able to look after themself’s I have (detail removed by moderator) children myself I just feel myself sinking anot sinking into depprison sick of being treated like dirt being called a s**t a tramp a bad mother why be like this why be in this world if you’re gonna be madelivered to feel like this all the time why am I being treated like this I can’t cope
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That’s such a lot to deal with.
He has kicked you in the place he knows will hurt most when you are naturally overwhelmed rather than helping you.
It is designed to break you. He might then be nice to you to help you, be warned.Remember you are doing the best you can with what you have. Be gentle on yourself.
You are a brilliant Mum.
Try and get good people to help you and your family.
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Hi hope4us, I’ve been where you are now, major outside stuff going on & you will be feeling utterly exhausted & emotionally overwhelmed too, He will use how vulnerable you are feeling to his advantage,get all the outside help you can & be as strong as you know how to be, I hung on for years getting weaker & weaker, The weaker I got the more he abused me. Love & hugs & Strength keep strong & talk to someone you can truly trust. Preferably someone he doesn’t know, I confided in my old neighbour, Bad idea she was also sacked into his mind games, and was repeating everything back to him again thus heightened his abuse, back then I had no idea, this again part if control, he had others cross questioning me! x
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Hi There,
You can’t cope easily because you’re around a very toxic person, someone who at the end of the day ( in simple terms) has a very nasty personality.
The difficulty is that when we are with them, we feel too destroyed to get out, but it’s only in getting away from them that we grow in strength. It’s like we need to do the impossible ( get away though it seems too difficult to do so). Yet in being away from them, we slowly start to flourish.
Living with someone who spouts such venom is soul-destroying. Abuse does affect you, and your self-esteem- no one can escape the effects of abuse ( we aren’t robots), but keep reminding yourself that this is all a reflection upon him- his nasty feelings, his jealousies, his emotions, his projected failures- and is not a reflection upon you. The things he says aren’t the objective truth. They are lies, aimed to make you lose confidence and feel bad about yourself, so that his power over you increases.
Everything is always about them- not you. They don’t even ‘see’ us- the real us, our needs, our potential, our qualities, because we are just seen in so far as we can ‘do’ for them, and because they are never happy with anything, we are never enough in their eyes. Because they don’t take responsibility for themselves and expect others to fill their black void, others will never be enough- because we in fact can’t sort their issues, only they can. But they are too weak to do it themselves, and would rather prey upon others and take their energy to make themselves feel better.
If they do see out qualities, it only triggers jealousy in them.
This all all about him, his issues and his problems. Don’t believe his lies.
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Serenity that is such a good description of how abusers work. They are like vampires who suck your energy out of you in order to fill a void in themselves. If they were to take full responsibility for their actions and moods then they would never inflict suffering on their innocent partner. Their energy requirements ebb and flow and so sometimes they are nicer but when they feel lack of control over anything, they switch on the abuse to regain power.
It’s also interesting to consider that despite how much we are going through, we do not abuse others- we who have been subject to extreme emotional, psychological and physical terrorism- if we can manage not to inflict pain on others- how can these abusers in any way justify their actions. They have not been through what we have. X
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