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    • #12375
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      hi all,
      I don’t know why I feel low today….or maybe I do. He’s been in charged (removed by moderator) and it’s costing me everything especially because of the nature of the charges and families view on that. I’m scared of court and what he’ll say about me. I have really nice SOIT officer who works for dv unit. Sshe’s ready supportive, bur I can’t shake the idea that I just won’t have the courage to turn up at court.

    • #12381
      White Rose
      Participant

      I think you will. You’re full of courage! Don’t give him the satisfaction of grinding you down again and winning this round, you’re stronger than him and you know it.
      We won’t know which day it is as you csnt tell us but you can bank on support from here.
      Show him how you’ve grown and gained strength and self belief. If you dont feel confident don’t let him guess!
      I believe you can do it especially after everything you’ve achieved so farxxx

    • #12382
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      shinebright,

      I’m so glad you’re free from living with him. I’m so glad you and your little ones got away from him. I was so fearful for you. You really are a miracle survivor. There were so many times I feared for your life, that you would never get away from him. Remember the ‘knife’ incident and the fear and terror he put you and your little girls through. Well done for your courage and strength.

      Of course you’re feeling low. Its another big ordeal to go through, dealing with the courts. I found it terrifying and my situation was only going to court for a legal separation (well he was trying to take our house and our children all for himself), so that was the fear for me.

      Keep posting daily for support. We will carry you through this week. Allow the natural consequences for his abusive actions to happen to him.

      Take it one day at a time and on the day take it one hour at a time. You can do this.

    • #12408
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi Shine Bright 2, many courts have a victim support unit, volunteers who support the victims. They can sit in the waiting room with you, giving you some company and they can also go into the courtroom with you. They can also arrange a pre-trial visit in the court and explain the procedure to you. All this reduces the anxiety.
      Ask for these volunteers. They are a great source of support whilst you wait for the hearing and it does not feel so scary.
      I had such support with my very first court hearing. Unfortunately I could not get anybody any more for the other hearings. But there are also the McKenzie friends, who come to court with you. You need to speak to them and tell them on time when you have the hearing.
      Do you get any input from Victim Support?
      Ascent, who is liaised with the Women and Girls Network, also provides support for court hearings.
      It is a very hard time and you need every support you can get to see this through. You can also arrange for Ascent to call you when the hearing is over. After a hearing, do not go home straight, go for a walk or meet a friend, or call WA, …. Distraction is very important.
      You can do this!
      Remember, you are a shining star! You lead by example! You show so many other women that breaking the silence and taking the abuser to the court is the correct way to deal with them. x*x

    • #12409
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Thank you both so much.
      yes I do remember the knife thong. (Removed by moderator) He is on bail…
      not in custody as before so I’m scared something will happen. I’m hoping that he will be put on remand after charges…should be. Case before collapsed due to me retracting and witness pulling out. This time they have ccTV, medical records etc. I’ve got GPS tracker and panic alarm…but still a bit scared..don’t think I’m as strong as you guys are.

    • #12410
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      thing not thong!!! still rubbish at typing

    • #12413
      Ayanna
      Participant

      It is determination, not strength, the longing for justice and also the wish to protect other potential victims.
      I am glad I saw it through, although the outcome was disappointing.
      I know that I could not forgive myself in a number of years had I kept quiet. He would have killed me most likely.
      Be very careful. I still look around when I leave the house or go home. I still lock all the windows and lock the doors and pull the curtains. I am very vigilant. Before I go to my house I first watch the surrounding if I notice suspicious people, cars, whatsoever. I watch my back whether somebody follows me. I take my time. Sometimes I stand in a corner and watch before I decide that I am safe to walk to my house. My mobile is always in my hand, with GPS on, ready to dial 999.

    • #12416
      Serenity
      Participant

      Shiny,

      You are brave. You’ve been through masses, and severe stuff too, and you are amazingly strong and courageous.

      You can do this. Follow all the wonderful advice above.

      You will be able to do it on the day. I was worried I wouldn’t, but adrenaline takes over plus your determination to speak your truth.

      I hope your children are ok. Take special care of yourself. You can do this x

    • #12432
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Thank you both….thanks Ayanna for so much good advise. I know I will get some support, and am very careful…especially since police lady gave me a very honest talk about not swithing on GPS. The charges are not as much as the police wanted, but he can still go to prison. I didn’t want to press charges on what he done when he gave me an stI and I was scared I was pregnant…but there is a lot of other stuff that I’m scared to talk about, although I made the statment. The stupid thing I worry about is that he used to say I’m so ugly and disgusting that I make him do stuff…I’m scared the jury people will look at me and think…yeah she is. ..They will show photos of the scars and I felt like people will be digested.

    • #12435
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello there, these thoughts are what he has planted and nothing to do with reality. Decent normal people will see right through this awful man. You would too if you were in the jury. I don’t think you mentioned giving evidence via video from a completely different location. Find out if this is available. It should be under these circumstances. I gave evidence and it’s not half as bad as you think. People are so sympathetic and helpful. You can do it. And hopefully put a line under this part of the nightmare. Stay strong❤️ Remember it’s a roller coaster and tomorrow will be a better day x

    • #12438
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Thank you KIP….The police have promised me video link and walking me through court. I used to think it with the police, that they would look at me and think the same things about me. THE time when he came to the house and did something bad he said I should be grateful for it….that is still with me. Everything was about teaching me a lesson We are so much better off without him and I want him to pay for what he has done, but I’ve got to this stage before and backed out. I have no contact with his family now, bit they still.blame me for wrecking the marriage. Thank u all so much. You give me a bit of courage…though I’m scared I’m gonna let everyone down

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