Feeling alone after leaving

[Lola1xx]

Hi,
I haven’t been on here for a long time. But I’m so down and need some support. I have (detail removed by Moderator) just left my domestic violence and sexual abuse relationship after (detail removed by Moderator) years. (detail removed by Moderator) I can’t help feeling so alone, so guilty and so lost. We have lived together for the last (detail removed by Moderator) years and have been together for the last (detail removed by Moderator). My soul can not let me cry for some reason. I just feel so lonely and so sad. I know it’s for the best and I made the right decision and what life would have been like should I have stayed longer.. honestly death. I know it’s good he is now (detail removed by Moderator) and it’s nice when my officers in charge come round and see me . They give me hope but all other days I just feel so alone I feel like I should have just stayed with him at least I would have someone.. I don’t have friends anymore and the old ones I have tried to reach out to aren’t interested in anything but a few texts. I tried to make myself a social media after not having one for years but that hasn’t helped either. I am so scared to sleep at night I just feel like I’m falling apart and my life is forever going to be lonely and alone. It’s hard I always imagined everything with him and now I have nothing and no one.

[Bananaboat]

Oh lovely, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. You’ve gone through so much you need to be kind to yourself while you process and move forward. I can relate to the not crying, it’s almost like our brain won’t let us but then I randomly cried in a meeting at work, if you’re like me your brain is working overtime right now. I also posted this on another thread but earlier today when he wasn’t in the house the silence was almost deafening and I realised just how much I listen to every movement, footstep, door slam to gauge his mood and how to act, we live on heightened awareness with an abuser and don’t even realise it. You’ve had a traumatic experience and you’re going through a break up, abusers destroy our contact links but it can get better. Not to forget they’ve probably controlled what you do in the day/evening, what you watch so you might be feeling a bit lost now you can make those decisions. Baby steps. Maybe look for some counselling support. x

[Pinkvelvet]

Hi Lola, it makes me so sad that it can come to this after enduring so much pain, and continuing to feel a different kind of sadness afterwards. I really feel you about dreading nighttime. I find it difficult to sleep and even more so recently, for some reason. The depression and anxiety is just the worst at night. Hence why I’m now on here posting so late.

Please know you’re not alone. We are here, always. It’s very easy as well to feel alone especially if you live by yourself and have lots of time to think and think some more. I am guilty of overthinking everything too which is probably why nighttime is the worst.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to move on quickly and gain a busy social life. Take your time and cherish being alone, with no one to answer to but yourself. Watch whatever you want on Netflix. Make yourself a cuppa and light some candles and read a book or listen to music. Give yourself the peace that you’ve been craving for so long and haven’t been allowed to have.

When you’re ready, there’s lots of ways to make new friends. My mum went to a Pilates class and they have social nights every so often, and she now goes for a meal with some of the other women from the group too – and the best part is, turning up on your own is the norm for exercise classes so that could be a winner if you’re a bit nervous. I’m personally thinking of maybe learning a new language and going to a class. You could also maybe do an evening course in something you’ve always wanted to learn… or join a walking group or craft club. Or if you feel like you’re able to adopt a pet and can offer one a home, that’s something else I’m considering! And that also opens up a heap of opportunities for meeting other people, especially if you get a dog.

I know it’s easy to sit and suggest things though and it’s totally fine if you’d rather just not do any of that too. But be kind to yourself and know that it’s totally normal to feel alone and you’re allowed to feel sad about it. Just take care of yourself and know even though you may feel alone, you can always come here and someone will be there for you to talk to ❤️

[Hazydayz]

💕

[Lola1xx]

Thank you for all your messages and support. I’m managing it day by day, night time is the worst. Day time when I’m at work is okay it’s when I get home. I’m just finding it difficult because I thought I’d have all this free time and I’d enjoy doing things, but actually I don’t, I’m just finding myself sitting here alone most times. I’m just taking day by day and hoping it will get better.. sending all loves and hugs xx

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