Feeling alone and isolated/Dealing with the after effects

[Snowplower]

Hi!
I got out of a emotionally and physically abusive marriage last summer. I moved back home and started a new job. I have great colleagues that care I’m doing well. And still, when things get bad and I’m triggered, I feel completely lost and alone. I’m told things like to “take a day off work and talk to someone” in order to move past it. I feel like no one around me understands that this is more complicated than that, that I will have to live with this for a long time. Not constantly in a state of anxiety, but that I will be triggered once in a while and that talking to someone for one session isn’t going to eradicate that.

I have spoken to someone for a while, and it really helped. I eventually stopped, because it became more exhausting than I felt it was helping my everyday life. I am generally coping well, I always show up at work, and I do all my chores. I even work out every once in a while! It’s just on those days where everything crumble that it gets really dark pretty fast as people keep saying the wrong things. Even my mum told me that “everyone has days like that”, and its just not true. I refuse to believe that everyone lives life with periods of intense fear of touch and conflict.
I became a member on this forum mostly because I felt like I needed to connect with someone who knew what it’s like to move on from something like this, and maybe just to feel heard/seen.

[Butterflyboo]

Hi Snowplower, I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I think it’s pretty normal, to be doing ok and then have something catch you and set off a whole storm of emotions. It’s tough going isn’t it, on “those” days when others don’t really appreciate what is going on inside of us. I think you’re right in how you felt about what your mum said – I’m sure everyone does have off days, but having experienced trauma of DV, an off day for us can be so much more.
It can be a lonely road recovering from DV, there’s no short cuts and it can be a dark place at times. But, there are lots of lovely ladies here who do understand what you’re going through and sharing that journey with you x

[Anonymous]

I think unless you’ve experienced dv, it’s impossible to know how it feels. I’m working full time and doing stuff round the house and seem pretty together, but inside, I’m just falling apart. I can only say to you that it’s just one day at a time. I’m keeping busy, trying to be nice to myself and posting on here. LOTS! Lol.

[Sparklegone]

Hi
I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through and how frustrating it can be that those around you dont understand the depth of it.
I’m in the very early stages of leaving but I have found that using a journal with useful information you have collated yourself to reach to in moments of darkness could really help. If I am in crisis in my head now I look at what I have noted to do in moments of stress that I enjoy doing which are picked from suggestions online. It’s like have an emergency plan. Certain foods can also help eliminate stress.
You are still healing but always remember that no matter how bad you feel you are always in a better position that you were.
Keep posting and using the forum for support. We care. Well done for coming this far. You are an inspiration to the rest of us.
SG x

[Author]

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