19th April 2016 at 9:44 am #14467Doglover99Participant
Looks like my husband has well and truly moved on, it only took him a matter of weeks! I’d already heard that he’s seeing someone new (weeks ago) and now he’s started being active on his social media page again. He proudly posted that he’s going on holiday, weekends away etc. “happy days”. He’s changed his status from married, funnily enough he hasn’t taken me off his friends list yet. How dare he!!!! I’m struggling to make ends meet, trying to counsel my son through the traumatic times, trying to make a life for myself all alone with hardly any friends, no family in the country, no hope in hell of having a holiday any time soon … and he’s proudly making comments about looking forward to his b…dy foreign holidays!
We’ll soon find out if he was telling the truth about seeing a solicitor about divorce. I was going to just let it all go through with no fuss, was going to walk away with nothing but sod it, I am entitled to something. Technically (correct me if I’m wrong) I am entitled to half his assets since we are married. I’m not going to be stupid and fight just for the sake of it but I should be entitled to something rather than let him walk away with everything. I can’t afford a solicitor, I don’t think I would get legal aid because you have to prove domestic abuse (i.e. police reports). Does it make a difference who starts the proceedings and if it’s him, what he puts down as the reason? I don’t want to be screwed over by him! I have plenty of reasons of my own for a divorce.
My only asset is my engagement ring and my old car. He has several vehicles, was left with 99% of the furniture and he has sheds and sheds full of stuff. I don’t know what I would be entitled to legally. I wouldn’t expect “things” but would I be entitled to a monetary payment from him in exchange of my half of his assets? (to be honest, I wouldn’t even fight for a half but a portion would be nice and would really help me)
How can I get a solicitor when I can’t afford one? I think it may be important that I have one to fight my rights. He is so devious, I don’t trust him one little bit.
19th April 2016 at 10:31 am #14475MillionpiecesParticipant
Block him from face book, the last thing you want to know is about him and what he is up to, will hurt you more and that’s what he want. At the moment is the best if you focus on your self and your son.
We all know how you feel, all he wants is hurt you.
19th April 2016 at 11:40 am #14486
Hi Doglover – I know you must be hurting right now and so mad at him. And I don’t blame you – I too would feel the same if he was doing that to me.
What you have to remember is that he’s doing this purely to hurt you – its the only way he can think of to get back at you for leaving him…..
He most likely has no feeling for this ‘new woman’ – but it just wants you to think and see that he is ‘over’ you, and he’s ‘moved on’ and he’s happy with his new life.
This new woman could be anyone – the first person he met with online dating perhaps. She will most likely be the first in a long line of ladies, as he moves from one to the next trying to show you just how little he cares about you – when in fact he DOES care – his pride is hurt at you leaving him, he never thought you’d do it.
So take heart in knowing he’s doing this because he is hurt and does care, but men will never show they are hurting, so this is all to prove he doesn’t care!!!!!
It’s all for show, for effect, by plastering it all over Facebook, he’s showing you ‘look at me look at the great life I have now, look at how I’ve moved on, and I don’t care about you anymore’.
He feels the need to shout out to the world what a fabulous time he’s having, in the hope you will see it and read it and it will hurt you – and so it’s having the desired effect.
Full well I know how you feel, (though as far as I know my ex does not have anyone in his life yet) but he seems very happy and contented with being alone now, he goes out to things, alone ( I’d say in a bid to find the next Mrs!!!!) but he’s getting himself out and about, where as I’m finding it very hard to socialise in any way, shape or form.
I’ve spent too many years hiding away, and finding it extremely difficult to mix with people again after all this time.
So it does make me angry that he’s moved on do easily and getting on with his life where as I’m struggling to cope – if only he knew, he’d be so happy.
He seems to be spending money left, right, and centre, whilst me and the kids are struggling to make ends meet – he does pay maintenance, for which I am very grateful, but he earns over four times as much as me, and so I’m never going to cope financially on my own, where as he makes enough, and can.
He has anew car, he’s spending money on the house making improvements to it, he’s going out buying lots of new clothes, money seems to be no problem to him, and that hurts.
I gave that man the best years of my life, had two children with him, and now through no fault of my own, here I am alone, (age removed by moderator), and struggling to cope on my own.
You go and get what you can from him, don’t let him off with you walking away with nothing.
Mind you who am I to day that – I walked away with nothing and will have very little to show for having lived half my life with him……..
19th April 2016 at 7:44 pm #14518SerenityParticipant
Hi Dog Lover,
I agree with the other posts: he is flaunting this woman and posting ‘happy days’ on FB just to hurt you.
About the money: I think my ex married me precisely because I had a thing about hating money. My parents went through a divorce where they battled about finances, and to be honest with you, my mum has become a bit obsessed with money, which I don’t like.
My ex played on this: he used to criticise my mum for her business acumen and love of generating money, and wouldn’t let me make any financial decisions, telling me ‘I know you hate dealing with money.’ He got angry if the kids mentioned money, even innocently.
Of course, this was all because he was hiding it and trying to put us off the scent.
I think he imagined that leaving me would be easy, as he had made me dumb regarding money, and knew he could play psychological games: when I said I wanted to use a solicitor, he called me ‘greedy.’ He thought I would feel guilty and hate being called greedy, and back down.
But I knew that this man- who used to get angry at my son for using bath water- would not pay anything for the boys’ futures. And my health suffered: how do I know if I will,always be well, and able to earn? I exhausted myself working 70 hour weeks for much of our marriage. What would I have to show for it? What if I could afford to send my kids to university, or pay for urgent medical treatment, or pay for their school trips? Why should I start again, as if I was twenty, when I wasn’t? My body isn’t like it was back then!
And something that somebody official said to me struck a chord: a lot of men count on women, being principled and more passive and emotional, to not chase them for money, but what is this teaching a nation of men? That they can just evade their responsibilities?
My ex needs urgent moral lessons. He is a crook. I wasn’t about to let him swan off with everything and live a life of hedonism and decay. No way.
And I was glad I made this decision- because he has proved that he intends to pay nothing for his kids.
19th April 2016 at 8:34 pm #14530Confused123Participant
BLock him on f b, u dont need to know what his getting up to, again like ladies have said its to hurt u, seek legal advise , every case is different so i wouldnt want to adsvise you incorrectly, see exactly where u stand on your rights and how much it would cost
21st April 2016 at 1:02 pm #14765Eve1Participant
I agree with you. I know I’ve posted before about understanding exactly why I couldn’t fight to somehow keep our house, but it does still make me angry. That’s because I have realised recently, as you say, that as a woman I somehow felt that it was not right to go after money in that way. I say ‘somehow’ but actually it comes from my upbringing. My mum has this idea that having money is a bad thing. People who have expensive things and tell you are ‘mercenary’! She’s often said about herself that she’s not ‘acquisitive’. My dad is apoplectic about any large company that makes a profit as ‘greedy’ and how greed has ruined the country, etc. ( I find this ironic as he’s been very overweight for many, many years). Someone in our family got divorced and got spousal support and the house, after a very long marriage. My mum is shocked and cannot get her head round this at all. But now I think, well, what was I supposed to to? Growing up, what was expected of me? Te be successful? Independent? Support myself? No, I was supposed to be mild, smiling, not do anything that couldn’t be spoken politely of. And find a man to look after me. All of this was unspoken but very true. I am so angry now, I am bashing the keyboard…….
19th April 2016 at 8:43 pm #14536SerenityParticipant
PS many abusers who are money-mad have cleverly brainwashed their partners to think money is bad, wanting money is bad, etc, and that it is ‘noble’ to let abusers walk off – or to leave abusers- leaving them all the money.
But virtually every victim who I have met who has done this regretted it. Once the clouds clear, they realise how they should have fought for their and their children’s rights.
Sorry, I will get off my orange box!
20th April 2016 at 10:18 am #14607Doglover99Participant
And it gets worse. A few hours after his last post, he’s posted over 20 photos of his “night out” with his woman. Unbelievable!! My family some of whom are friends on his facebook didn’t even know I’ve left because I didn’t want to make a bit fuss about it and make it awkward for him. I should have known. Funny comment my son made though when he saw the picture. He said quite casually: oh he’s downgraded then. That did make me laugh.
Then late last night, another post: he is officially in a “civil union”. The man has completely lost it! Now I can see this is clearly to prove a point to me. He hasn’t removed me from his account so he’s now showing off his “new fun single life”. Well, he’s welcome to it. All I want is what I am legally entitled to.
When I thought about it, I actually can’t wait to be divorced from him now. I kept looking at his photo and thought “you really do look evil”. He’s changed his looks in an effort to look younger but he still looks evil.
Funnily enough though, I had no feelings whatsoever towards him. I didn’t feel jealous (other than the fact he has money to spend) and as to the new woman, I was just curious to see what she looked like. He’s obviously not managed to pull a younger woman, this one looks older in fact.
Also, when I thought about it, it’s the same as it was with him and me. It all happened very quickly with us, he’s doing the same with this one. Literally within (detail removed by Moderator) weeks he has a new woman and another few weeks later it’s official. The next she will have moved in with him.
I am soooooo pleased I am out of it. I just need some legal advice about the divorce and how to fund it.
21st April 2016 at 11:51 am #14761
Hiya – how you doing today? 🙂
21st April 2016 at 12:50 pm #14764Eve1Participant
Hi Doglover 99,
Definitely block him on fb. You don’t need to see all his rubbish.
Most solicitors give you half an hour free to discuss, I think. Have you tried this yet? My local WA had a solicitor drop in at certain times and that was how I got my first legal advice. I ended up using her and at the time I was fortunate to be entitled to legal aid. Also, could Rights of Women help? Haven’t used them, but Ayanna often mentions them. Do not make the mistake I did of not really fighting whatever financial settlement you can. I just wanted to get away and was so worn down by him I couldn’t face a battle. Get whatever support you can and make sure you think of yourself and your future.
14th May 2016 at 11:15 pm #17314
Hi Doglover not seen you on for a while – wondering how you are doing?
How’s your son?
Your ex leaving you in peace?
Thinking of you.
14th May 2016 at 11:36 pm #17315AyannaParticipant
Hi Doglover, I’ve just seen all your questions about the divorce.
It is better when you start the divorce, because it will most likely be a unreasonable behavior divorce and that should go on him not on you. Therefore try to be first with the application.
After five years of marriage financial proceedings become successful for you. He has to give you something. The longer the marriage the better for you. It also depends on your situation how much the court will award you. (detail removed by Moderator)
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