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    • #111826
      Florabundas
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      My marriage ended (detail removed by Moderator) years ago after a prolonged period of dv and abuse. Also he put my kids at risk.
      Recently we had a psych report done on my youngest child and I was asked about the relationship breakdown. It was concluded in the report that not only myself but my kids were victims of dv.
      It’s awful seeing that being written and the examples given.
      I know ending the marriage was the right thing to do. It took me 3 years to start healing but now reading the report I’m back to square one.
      Thanks for letting me rant

    • #111840
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      But think Flora, think how your courage in getting out stopped it from being even worse.

      I am still in my abusive marriage and it is only just occurring to me how damaging it has all been to my kids. I stayed because I thought it meant I could protect my children – I didn’t realise it was abuse but I knew I was unhappy. I figured if I left I’d need to let him have the children and I couldn’t bear not to be there to protect them – yes, I still didn’t know it was abuse, I just knew he didn’t really engage with them. Now I realise what was going on and I do wish I’d realised and got out because I could have protected them if I’d been aware.

      However, I’m trying hard to look to the future and not to the past. I keep trying to use that to give me strength to go, to try to salvage something for their future, or my future with them. I know that I stayed (and kept my children in it) because I thought that was best for my children. I genuinely did. It wasn’t. But I didn’t know.

    • #111846
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Flora,

      I too stayed too long not knowing what I was dealing with and his toxic behaviours were normal to me (before they escalated) as I had a mother with similar horrible behaviours so it felt familiar. I feel bad that my children had to go through what they did as I didn’t leave until he discarded me and my children were teenagers. And they really suffered. But I would have never ever wished this for them but I was conned and duped and didn’t know what I was dealing with. I did the best I could at the time. Now I find ways to make amends to them eg I always scrimped and saved and did without and my children did too due to him spending all the household money on himself and getting into debt so I was always saving up to pay off his debt. Now I will treat my children financially here and there (they are young adults) if I can. That’s all we can do. I’m only human and i did the best I could dealing with a person who chose to abuse.

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