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This morning I have to attend hospital with my abuser, I am feeling very angry , resentful, sick and afraid. I have monophobia and cannot stay alone, so have to go. He has put me through so much the past (removed by moderator) and made me feel much worse, but this may be (removed by moderator) so cannot refuse to go, but he has not cared about my well being for weeks or should I say years. Its very hard for me going out in daylight with my agoraphobia and my anxiety is awful ,symptoms are worse in the morning. I feel nothing re what may be wrong with him,just numb. Don’t even know how I feel about him anymore and it may just be trauma bonding that makes me feel anything when I have. This situation would be hard to endure for a person with my agoraphobia in a loving, caring relationship, I need to rant at what he has done to me he has let down over the years when ive been ill, been so nasty to me
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Im back it was very difficult ordeal to go through and he has to now (detail removed by moderator). I feel so numb , no feelings towards him but anger at what he has done to me, but with my phobias feel very afraid. Ayanna, hopsital staff were not very pleasant and the would have just refered me to GP, I l aready have two ladies coming out (removed by moderator)fod DV support and social worker and another DV lady next week, so hopsital could do nothing and (removed by moderator) for the way she treated me at the same hospital before chirstmas the complaint is gong through now. I felt so awful it was all I had within me to even stay there. He just complains that my anxiety makes it all worse for him and stresses him . I didnt go in with him , I could not sit there being false after all he has put me though the past weeks. When he did go in a Lady patient asked me if he were my husband I winced at even saying yes I felt more like saying no he is no husband to me just abusive. Feel bewildered and afraid and concerned that I feel dead to him. In the pat in a crisis I have always fell in with him and have never felt so dead to him ever. I wish I could speak to my children but neither of them support me or show any care at least I have my hour telephone appoitment with local Womens aid this afternoon and two ladies coming to my home (removed by moderator).
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