Feeling betrayed and I can’t trust my own judgement anymore

[Byzantium]

Hello. I’ve posted here several times about my partner’s behaviour towards me. Things have been better apart from a few times when his behaviour slipped back. He’s pressuring me to have a baby which is something I had always wanted but now have serious doubts over.

Something has happened which has left me me stunned and confused. My partner told me that a (removed by moderator) who would have regular contact with any children we have has been to prison and could be a risk to children. He only told me because there was a chance I could find out another way because of something that had happened otherwise he would never have told me. This has also caused problems for me at work. I feel like I had the right to know this if we were going to have children so I could protect them and because social services could become involved.

After being misled about how we were going to manage our finances when we moved in together only for him to quit his job and leave me to struggle with it all, (removed by moderator) and put downs and now this I feel so deflated.

I know if we have children it will cause a rift because I’m uncomfortable with a child having contact with this person. I would have to lie to my family about it which also makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to punish my partner for something someone else did though. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I should feel angry, miserable or something, anything. All I have felt for months is numb. I can’t get happy, sad or angry over anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Things had seemed like they were getting better.
Am I overreacting to all of this?

[Whodat]

Hey, I’ve read through your other posts to get an idea of your situation. Listen, without any shadow of a doubt your ‘partner is extremely abusive. His behaviour toward you is appalling, he does not love or respect you. You know this or you wouldn’t be on this site. Clearly he has destroyed your self esteem and self confidence. No normal man does ANY of the things your man does. None. It will not get better. He isn’t bad every day, most of them aren’t. But he will never treat you the way a normal man would, ever. This isn’t going to get better, no matter how long he can sustain the act for. It will get worse. I wouldn’t dream of having a child with this man. He isn’t even in a position to support his self nevermind a family. The fact you say your prepared to lie to your family to allow your future child to be around a person whoncoukd potentially harm them just to keep your man happy is deeply worrying. Don’t have a child with him, this will only get worse and worse. What he is doing is a crime, at least in Scotland. How do you think other men would treat him if they knew everything that was really going on, I mean real me, men who dont abuse women, who don’t prioritise criminals iver their own children, men who don’t live off their women’s pay cheque. You need to get him out your life, don’t waste years on him, you are worth so much more. It doesn’t have to be like this there are men who will love and respect you, never call you names, silent treatment, lies, manipulation. What do youneven love about him really, like what qualities does he have consistently that you love? He sounds like a spoilt little girl having a temper tantrum most of the time. You feel numb because your body is responding to the abuse, Google trauma bonding in emotionally abusive relationships, read the Lundy Bancroft book, Google depersonlaization flight and fight mode. All these things apply to you. Have you visited your g.p? There’s a good chance you are understandably depressed. We have all been where you are now, thinking this is all we deserve. It isn’t. The end is horrendous and yo you will want to go back to stop the pain but if yoj can stick it out your life will be amazing, you will be so much happier and you will look back and think w*f was I thinking!!! Please don’t fall for this act, most people are never capable of treating any human being the way he has treated you. Can you imagine ever treating someone you love like this?? No of course not. He’s a grown a*s man who does no better and is fully responsible for his decisions and he choose to treat you like you are worthless and that’s because in his eyes you are, you are his property and you better do as your told. You are worth so much more. Know your worth!!!!

[Whodat]

Can I also add that NO decent man would ever ever ever put his own children in danger. It’s disgusting and embarrassing. Don’t lower yourself to this. Tell your family please. They love you unconditionally, you might not like what they say about him but it will be accurate. He’s the worthless one.

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