Feeling confused and lost

[Taylor]

Hi all not sure where to start but here it goes. When i was a child i was abused by my uncle (detail removed by moderator) at the time i tried to get support and i tried hard to remember what happened but still today years later i cant remember just little bits here and there, (detail removed by moderator) My dad worked away alot and when he was home all my parents did was fight and argue and i always protected my brother by going in my room and shutting the door. I grew up never feeling loved by my mum she always hit me if i did something wrong or blame me for things my sibling did, he was always treated different to me. I grew up being close to my nan and my dad when he was home and there were times where my mum had tried to put my dad against me and my nan. I left school and started drinking and my mum had affairs and so did my dad and arguing was always in front of me and sometimes violent. So when i started drinking i loved it i had confidence because i never felt i belonged anywhere i was always trying to keep my mum happy. She worked so i was left looking after my sibling and doing washing and housework by tine i was mid teens i had my son and my mums abuse towards me got worse she called me names and always put me down made out i was a c**p mum. Years went on i had my own house with my som and i was left alone with a small child struggled with money i had no help or support of my family i was on my own. I got into a violent abusive relationship and had more children with him i was physically and mentally abused for years. My family knew what was happening and turned there backs on me i had no contact with them (detail removed by moderator) i had to always contact them first it would be ok for a while then i would loose contact again. I managed to break free from my ex and i met someone else and moved away and my parents approved of him but resented my kids snd always made that obvious. Long story short i have had a number of abusive relationships and lost contact with my family (detail removed by moderator) they all stood back and let me sort literally everything and looking after my mum, having no sleep, running around doing shopping and getting her medication but still saying mean things to me. A few times she said my track record with men isnt good (detail removed by moderator) Last year i had therepy and it helped me so much i just regret letting them back in my life again because nothings changed there actually worse. I dont feel loved by my own mum
Sorry so long

[Lisa]

Hi Taylor,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

It sounds like you have been really let down as a child and now as an adult by the people who should love and support you. You had to bear a lot of responsbilty from a young age and your needs were not heard or listened to. None of this is your fault, abusers target vulnerability and they choose to be abusive.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at
Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Author]

Posts