Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #10718
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      After a minor assault yesterday, which I’ve reported but not charged.

      I’m feeling numb, the confusion and self-doubt is creeping in.

      I can’t really move out till the house is sold, or I feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights not knowing which way to turn so I do nothing.

      After keeping out the way for the day I find the bath room been cleaned. He use to do things like that when we were together to show me that he wasn’t all bad

      I didn’t realise how screwed up I still was. I’m jumping at any noise again.

    • #10721
      White Rose
      Participant

      Don’t let the self doubt creep in. You know what he does and has done is wrong.
      Well done for keeping reporting him.
      Just because he cleaned the bathroom it doesn’t mean he’s changed so just enjoy having one less job to do and keep focussed on your goal.
      Take care. Keep positive. You will get out xxxx

    • #10722
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Falling Skys,

      I’d say you’re feeling like you do because you’ve just been through yet another ‘Cycle of Abuse’. It probably was building up with your abuser (feeling you’re walking on egg shells, nasty/not nasty behaviour ), this is the orange phase which leads to the red phase (the assault incident in your case). After the red phase (major abuse incident) the abuser defaults into the green phase (him cleaning the bathroom). Google ‘the Cycle of Abuse’ and ‘the Power and Control wheel’. That’s why you feel confused and numb. You’ve just come out of the ‘red phase’ of the Abuse Cycle.

      These cycles will continue until you have no contact with him when your separation comes through. Like you I too decided to stay living with my abuser so I did not lose my rights to our home (he was really pushing for me to leave) and to lose the day to day care of my children (he wanted that).

      All I could do was keep getting support as I did the rounds of the cycles of abuse, month after month until the court separation came thorough. This too will pass. It did for me.

      You have been weakened as he has abused you, but with our support, you will soon feel strong again. Sometimes as well as posting I would take the extra support of speaking to someone from the Women’s Aid hotline. I always felt better as a result of taking that extra supportive action.

      This week be very gentle with yourself and treat yourself lovingly and kindly to counteract your abuser’s abuse of your beautiful self.

    • #10725
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Thank you WR & LNC

      WR good thought about one less job to do, (if it happens again maybe I will mention a deep clean of the kitchen 🙂 ) only joking the aftermath is to much for me.

      LNC I will google the things you said, in one way its comforting that its documented what he does,as I was questioning my sanity again. Also I will take your advice and not train so hard. I will be contacted during the week by my support worker from WA and police domestic abuse team.

      Think I may have been seen coming out of the police station, not sure if thats good or bad.

      FS xx

    • #10766
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      That’s good if it gets back to him that you were coming out of the police station. It will keep a check on him. He knows you’re not afraid to report. My abuser was shocked when it came out during our separation the dates of the times I had gone and let the police officer know he was harassing me continuously to get out of our home. My abuser didn’t think I had it in me to let people know. Keeping silent about the abuse was always the worst thing for me to do in terms of it escalating the more silent I was.

      You did the right thing in informing the police.

    • #10794
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Thankyou lover of no contact. After a lot of thought and support, I am going to make a statement. I know it’s minor and won’t go anywhere, but I have said zero tolerance to any form of abuse and I must show my resolve.

      FS xx

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account