Feeling deflated

[Hopefulwishes]

So if you saw my previous post I didn’t manage to flee. (detail removed by Moderator) was really bad he told me it was over and he was leaving and I went to sleep in my daughters bed. He woke me up with (detail removed by Moderator) messages just to argue with me again and say everything was my fault and he wouldn’t say the things he does to me or behave like it does if I didn’t treat him like s**t. He wanted an apology from me. Wants me to make an effort with him. But I can’t apologise for something I haven’t done! I’m so mad with myself and feeling really fed up and deflated this morning. I ended up giving into him just to try and make things calmer and slept with him! Which I don’t want to do. why do I do this! I know I should just go when things get to this point it’s my window to leave I guess but instead I try and calm the situation.
Things have been made harder as I had the need (detail removed by Moderator) that I had to isolate due to my work bubble going down.

I wish I could find the strength to just walk! On a positive note I had a breakthrough with his mum and she has started to notice things she said if I need to leave then I leave and not to worry myself about him. She said he can’t stop you taking your things so don’t worry about that so that did make me feel a bit better knowing that I have her support or it certainly seemed that way.

Thank you for reading your words always really help. I just need to take that step now. It would be so much easier if he was in work. I have no space to breathe.

[BlueSkiesTomorrow]

Hi Hopefulwishes 🙂
I have been out of my relationship for a long time now but reading your post really resonated with me. My ex did very similar things. The big protest of sleeping in another room. Demanding apologies. Making everything out to be my fault because I treated him so “badly”. I used to do whatever I could to calm the situation down. Hug him. Apologise. The works. I think we just want to diffuse the situation and will do whatever it takes. Don’t blame yourself! I used to come away from hugging him, or welcoming him back into the bed, and think “Hang on, how did that happen? How did he win me round”. It’s habitual. I started texting a friend whenever he started up. Literally texting my friend word for word what what happening and what was being said. Then, when I ultimately forgave him, my friend would be the sensible person reminding me what had happened! after a few weeks of this, I stopped giving him a hug or trying to diffuse the situation. It was the first step to me leaving. I refer to it as my blindfold being removed. I hope this helps. You’re definitely not alone. It’s really good news that his Mum has your back. My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since I left, which is sad because we got on so well. I think Mum’s know their sons and actually aren’t surprised! Some deal with it better than others. My Mother-in-law is burying her head.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi thank you. So I’m not going crazy and this all isn’t my fault like it’s made out to be. How did you manage to leave. Being in lockdown is making it so hard as I don’t get a minute when he isn’t home. I really can’t put myself through this much longer. Did you have any problems when you left? I feel like he is going to cause so much hell for me.

[BlueSkiesTomorrow]

Hi Hopeful Wishes (sorry for slow reply!)
My leaving was surprisingly calm. I had worked myself up in to a strong mood and told him that I needed space because I wasn’t happy and I was going to stay with a friend. This was beginning of (detail removed by Moderator)). It was the hardest day I’ve ever had in my life, but I got in the car and called my friend and she just told me to drive to her! Keep driving! I took it one day at a time and now its been almost (detail removed by Moderator). My Ex cares too much about outward perceptions so he was actually very reasonable. If yours is the same then perhaps leverage that. They want to maintain their “perfect” husband appearance. My advise is to speak to a friend and plan it together. Good luck!

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you for you advice. It’s taking that initial step I don’t seem to be able to do. I’m excited about starting a fresh with my kids and in a new house and making it all nice and how I want it not how I’m told it has to be. I just need to take that leap but I don’t seem to be able to.

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