Feeling deflated and hopeless

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Advice if possible please, I am not sure who else to ask as the authorities seem to drag their heels and try to make everything as hard as possible for me.
Since leaving my daughters father in (Detail removed by Moderator) I am feeling heaps better about everything. But now a new worry has come into play, money.
I had to leave my part time job and go solely on benefits as my ex and his family had my daughter when I was in work and I didn’t want to put any balls in their court. My work were understanding thankfully and universal credit sorted my money out within a month. My daughters father used to give me money for her and everything seemed to be going fine. But without the help me gave me I wouldn’t of been able to survive financially as my bills come to as much as UC give me a month and I don’t want to start getting into debt. He has now lost his job and cannot give me money for my daughter at the moment. I am struggling financially and fear I won’t have any choice but to ask for my old job back. I don’t mind going back to work at all but I am worried about my daughter. Seeing as he dad isn’t working he could have her a few days a week but I am worried that it will give him back the control. He was never horrible to our daughter and is generally really good with her but I am still worried. I have thought about putting her in nursery which she would love but I would not earn enough to pay for 40 hours a week childcare. I feel like everytime I try to do better for me and my daughter it just goes wrong. Has anyone else been through similar and found another solution?

[Lisa]

Hi Rockandrolldreamscomethrough,

Thank you for your post, hopefully some other forum users will be able to add their experiences related to your situation. Of course it is your decision how you proceed, but I would say that your instinct about giving your ex more control is one to listen to. If he is to have more contact with your daughter you need to ensure you have very strict boundaries.

Have a look through our ‘Money Issues’ section on this website, which goes through the issues of employment, benefits and childcare. Also the Single Parents website has a lot of useful information.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Hello, sorry Ive only just seen your post. Wondering if the stress has passed a little?

Of course you feel anxious when dealing with this man, but I am also hearing you feel she is ok when in his care. Wondering what exactly you feel stressed and worried about? And if this is something that will pass once you have adjusted to the new situation?

Do you need to take a leap of faith? Or is your gut trying to tell you to be concerned for good reason?

If he were to have her, then would it help to try and think through how you would want it to be? The pick ups, drop offs? The communication? I think you probably feel you need to protect yourself, this can be done with limited contact and clear firm boundaries in place. I have email only contact and I have to log in online so I dont get him dropping into my inbox, I just check before and after she’s been with him, works pretty well for us – and keeps him at arms length. I dont see him at drop offs and pick ups either.

You sound in an awful tizz, sometimes when we feel this way doing nothing is better than jumping, then with a little time the answer will present itself to us. FL. x

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