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    • #36162
      lilaclady
      Participant

      I move into my new place on (removed by moderator)

      Yesterday I was feeling really strong and getting things organised.

      Today…. not so strong feel heartbroken sad. All the emotions. Also now worrying about how I tell my mother about this. My mum is great but she’s fairly outspoken and in the past has been very judgemental of me (she’s like this with everyone) so I just don’t know all I can hear is you’ve only been married 2 minutes what are you doing??

      Just feeling very down…..

    • #36173
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      Your emotions will be up and down as your brain processes everything that has happened. u should be proud of yourself that u recognise the signs of abuse, i didnt even know what was happening when it happened to me, dont worry about what your mum or anyone thinks, what mattersn nis that u got out safe, it doesnt matter if u were only married for a short period, it would of still been as hard if u were married longer, u maybe worried people may say u gave up quickly, welliiif u were married longer people say opposite, u have been together for so long u cant give up now. So ignore others, abuse should not be tolerated fullstop. CAll the help line and speak to the ladies, they are so good at listening, giving u reassaurance and advising .To the question what are u doing? You are leaving an abusive partner and refuse to accept the abuse and wish yout choice to be respected. Families always do find it to understand, even friends do sometimes , you have to exprience an abusive realtionship to understand it. I tend to not bother explainignn as peopel dont get it, i hate that question why did u take it then, i dont think words can explain it , its s mental mind game they play. post on here as much as u need to, u will find a lot of support on here. Write a diary about the emotions u are feeling, i found it helpful to realease the emotions by writing it down as i didnt know how else to realease the emotions

    • #36174
      lilaclady
      Participant

      Thanks Confused123 I took my little one out to the beach and that helped… as soon as I returned home same down feeling. I am not out yet moving on (removed by moderator)…hoping I will feel better when its all done. But good advice about writing things down. I was doing that before so will start again. This is so hard….

    • #36206
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi lilaclady,

      It’s completely understandable that your emotions are up and down at the moment, you are making some huge life changes. Confused123’s idea of writing down your thoughts is a good one. It can also be helpful to write a list of the reasons why you are leaving and the abuse you have been through; it can be painful to do but can serve as a reminder if you have second thoughts. Perhaps it might be possible to write something down for your mother to read, so you don’t have to verbalise it.

      Unfortunately sometimes family and friends don’t understand and sometimes survivors find that they need to distance themselves from those who are not helpful, even if just temporarily. Now is the time to focus all your energy on looking after yourself and your child.

      It can really help to have support from those who do understand, so keep posting on here, but also remember you can call the 24 hour Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk to a female support worker in confidence. If you have not already done so, you could also contact your local domestic abuse service to find out what ongoing support they can offer, such as group recovery programmes.

      Keep going, one day at a time.

      Lisa

    • #36224
      lilaclady
      Participant

      Thanks Lisa…I keep saying to myself one day at a time…I keep getting overwhelmed by it all and then strong feelings of sadness. It does not help that he keeps sending me really nice texts all the time. I keep trying to be strong and keep to my plans. His nice texts are working and making me second guess myself in leaving. Going to bed yet again with a heavy heart… xx

    • #36236
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Lilac Lady,

      I agree that you need to distance yourself from those who are questioning your actions and making you feel guilty or confused about what you’ve done.

      My mother can be similarly judgemental and tactless, and when you are in a sensitive state it’s too much to bear. I had to tell me mother exactly this.

      Trust your gut. There is happiness at the end of this x

    • #36293
      lilaclady
      Participant

      Thanks Serenity…I am holding on to there being some happiness at the end. Even if its just a tiny little glimmer of it once I am out…

      Now he knows I am definitely going (he is away which is good) he’s gone from nice texts etc to being nasty again. I feel like I am caught in some confusing nightmare I cannot wake up from. But I am still leaving… Any man who wasn’t like this would listen to what I am saying, that I need space, that i can’t live with him anymore, EVEN that I want to try and work things out (I know they probably won’t) and actually talk to me about things…and try to understand even though this is hard. Wouldn’t they??

    • #36294
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey hun

      Its shocking they beahve like this,this is why u need to block him totallly, they dont let us think straight, yes we loved them thats why it hurts they are behaving like this , Get positive support around u , i found family didint understand but the ladies on here were spot on undeerstannding and offerign me support, post on here as mucha s u need to even if just to say how u feeling

    • #36475
      Nova
      Participant

      Hi Lilaclady
      Try to take it slowly, it’s a huge shock & difficult to absorb it all…As others have said…Choose who to spend your time with as there’s zero point letting them wind you up, on top of all you have to deal with!
      Hopefully they’ll settle down in a while, people generally like to jump in with opinions, about other’s lives ..& this is so different!
      I’d think to myself, don’t you reckon I’d be with him, if he was so lovely! They wouldn’t get it…It’s too complex, so just don’t bother!
      You don’t have to I just said another time not now…( Meaning not ever!)

      Take care we are here for each other..
      Ups & downs !
      Cx

    • #36478
      lilaclady
      Participant

      Thanks Cuppa!

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