- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I don’t know what I’m doing today. On my own right now. Feeling really low. I feel like a failure (since the last two men in my life have been abusive). I’ve no interest in meeting another partner but I’m worried that somehow I seem to be following a pattern of getting together with the enemy.
I was a very trusting person but now that’s all gone now. I don’t feel like me anymore.
After the last one attacked me I’m still looking over my shoulder, still having nightmares. I go to work, I come home. I have great friends. But it’s not right.
Something’s missing. I think it’s my spirit.
-
Hey there. It takes a long time to recover from abuse. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just take a mental health day whenever you need to. Their abusive behaviour doesn’t reflect on you. We’ve all been caught out on here by their covert ways. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Tomorrow will be a better day X it’s confidence that gets sapped. It will return with a vengeance, making you stronger than ever 👍
-
-
You are not a failure at all and we all have a really trusting spirit which we lose a part of when we are abused.
Well done to you it sounds like you have a great support network around you to help you to get through the good and the bad days. This is something which is needed and helps you to get through.
It is really hard when you are having a bad day and you just want to do nothing at all.
You will begin to trust again it will just take time and you will see that in yourself with who you speak to and what you say to them. Also that you will have the control and know what is right and wrong.
Take it a day at a time and you will have your up and down days. I try on a bad day to try and think of one good thing which I have managed to achieve even though it can be the hardest thing as you feel that everything that you have done in that day is wrong.
I hope that going out to watch the rugby has been a distraction for you.
Remember we are all here for you and support you.
x*x
-
Hi Dragonfly,
I can sympathise. These abusers took our hearts, played football with them and ate them for breakfast. We come out feeling abused and emptied. It’s hard to trust after what we’ve been through.
I was thinking today that all of us ladies know so much about abuse now. Whilst that has caused us great pain, it could lead us to living a more authentic life. Whilst we were with our abusers, they were trying to get us believe a certain fake presentation of reality, and we were scared to face the reality of the sub- text that was operating below the surface. We knew we felt uneasy and not treated well, but we didn’t have the understanding of the confidence or freedom to face it and call it what it was- abuse. So we bought into our abuser’s massive gaslighting, just hoping he would turn nice or see the error of his ways.
Though we’ve been really injured, we now know so much. We can recognise abuse tactics, red flags; we’ve been to hell and back, so we won’t accept gaslighting again- our painful experience will have taught us the importance of courage in assertively questioning others’ behaviour rather than swallowing our hurt, having the courage to face the truth about someone head on, nor make ex uses for them or go down the road of self-blame.
I believe there are many genuine people out there who have been hurt like you and I. Not everyone’s a perpetrator and many people want to live honestly and authentically. Not everyone has a fake mask. Many have been hurt too, and want to be around genuine people. It’s those people we need to surround ourselves with, and keep the other fake people at a huge distance.
I was reading about long term PTSD the other day, and it said how important it was to find a comforting tribe, people who think and feel like us, and who we can spend time doing creative things with. Gently branching out and doing a small hobby or shared event with good people can work wonders for you in terms of rebuilding your sense of self ( these abusers made every effort to destroy our sense of self).
I went out a week or so ago with a new group of people to a shared interest. I didn’t know anyone- I was quite nervous. But once there, I felt at home. These were all like-minded people and they were so welcoming. They treated me like a human being. I was grateful to enjoy time out from replaying the trauma in my head ( I’ve been triggered recently) and to focus my brain on a new subject. When I did the Pattern Changing course, they expressed the importance of replacing that part of our head where our abuser is with something else, it allowing him to live in our heads rent free 24/7.
It does our weary minds good to have some time out and to learn new things. Neurologically speaking, you’re more likely to lessen the impact of trauma by learning something new, because you’re creating new pathways in your brain, hanging the shape of your brain ( the brain is neuro-plastic, it can be changed and redirected by learning new things, helping us get out of that stuckedness after abuse). Our abusers aims were to gradually monopolise our hearts, minds and emotions, and all these things affect our bodies, which is why we are left feeling so traumatised. Whilst it’s important to learn and understand about abuse, and talk it out, I think doing new things ( baby steps) in supportive environments is a great way to move slowly beyond abuse and build ourselves up.
I think following our interests and our dreams and keeping our heads about us, keeping our wits about us, having the courage to face truth head on in the future, will lead us to having a happier life with more authentic people, people who aren’t into playing head games. You’ve been through so much, it you’re so much better equipped now with knowledge and understanding regarding unhealthy relationships. Though we’ve been so hurt, I do believe that we have what it takes to live life on a higher level of authenticity. I have hope for us all!
Sorry, just realised how I’ve rambled!
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
