Feeling down

[Dragon]

Hi all,

I haven’t posted for a while as I felt I was coping ok but the last few weeks I feel really down.

He said that he thinks I am clinically depressed and that’s why I react so harshly to him and I think maybe I am. Maybe this is all me. Since he has said this I feel really worn down.

My self esteem is so low and I really feel stuck. Like I am in no way emotionally strong enough to leave but also not sure I am emotionally strong enough to make it work, even if he does the things I need him to do to make it better (like acknowledge my feelings, take responsibility, stop telling me off for every little thing etc.)

I feel so down. But even the thought of starting these conversations about feelings with him emotionally exhausts me. He says I am damaged, broken. I don’t know if I am or if he is manipulating it so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for things or if it’s both.

Sorry, just needed to vent x

[KIP.]

No caring partner would call you damaged or broken. Look at reactive depression. It’s your environment not clinical.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, I too thought I was suffering from depression but it was living with an abusive husband that was making me depressed. I felt worthless, useless, suicidal. Unbeknown to him I asked to be referred to a memory clinic. After weeks of tests, it came back even with going through the menopause, that there was nothing wrong with my memory. Looking back it was juggling too many balls in the air, trying to please someone who nothing pleased them, trying to be someone I’m not, love me again, not hate me. You are very astute in noticing his manipulation, aware that he isn’t willing to take responsibility for his words or actions and he never will. One day wenfinally wake up and go I can’t do this anymore, your day will come. Have you spoken to your doctor, got how his behaviour is affecting you. You mi ay have clinical depression but it will lessen when hex isn’t in your life. I can hardly believe the difference in me in less than a year.
Please know that you have done nothing wrong at all. He would’ve found fault with mother Theresa. Speak to WA if you haven’t already done so. Look up the FOG of abuse and the cycle of abuse, things will start to be a lot clearer once you gain more information.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[KIP.]

IWMB I too had terrible memory problems. I thought I had dementia! It’s trauma x

[Hetty]

Sadly it’s totally pointless attempting conversations with abusers about how we are feeling. They will use it as ammunition to hurt us or completely ignore us. Is there anyone else you could talk to about how you’re feeling? A professional, trusted family member or friend. Seek support and validation outside of this harmful relationship. It’ll help you gain strength. Ask yourself if you know anyone who could put up with this c**p and not feel depressed. It’s mostly likely environmental.
As others have said, no caring partner would say those things to you.
Seek support elsewhere. Start prioritising yourself. Do little things for yourself x

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