Feeling down – nice to kids but ignoring me

[soconfused2]

I’m in the process of divorcing but still in the same house. Women’s Aid, my counsellor and solicitor have all said he is emotionally abusive, but I am full of self doubt…

He has always been an ok dad but has definitely stepped up in terms of spending time with them since I filed for divorce.

Anyway, the thing I am struggling with at the moment, and I know this sounds really awful, is seeing how nice he is to our kids. Obviously I do realise that it is a good thing that he is nice to them.

It’s just hard because I have had the silent treatment for a year now (whilst he delays the divorce). He won’t acknowledge that I exist, even around the children. Seeing him be so nice to them, whilst I am being ignored makes me so confused. I worry the kids (nursery and primary age) will grow up thinking the silent treatment is ok, or that I deserve it. It makes me feel like I deserve it.

I am pressing on (detail removed by Moderator) to move the divorce on, but I’m just finding it so hard. Could do with some support.

[Sunshinedrops]

Hi so confused2

I’m sorry your going through this, you aren’t alone, this group has been a breath of fresh air for me and just to get your feelings and thoughts validate by other women who truly understands is a powerful thing!
They will push you to your limit and it’s awful that he is using the children in this game, you certainly do not deserve the silent treatment!
You have filled for divorce so you are now taking the power back and finally made the decision to press forward, you are the strong one here, and I bet he can’t stand it. Think of the better days coming, what will you like to happen after the divorce, how will you feel when you are out of this relationship?
I’m not saying it’s easy it’s hell, painful but through that pain and discomfort is a new beginnings. Keep going you got this!
I’m going through something similar, he refused to leave the family home, so going to see solicitors soon, I’m not sure how we manage living in the same house ect, it’s awful undercurrent and the children can sense it! For me I dread the weekends, so trying to stay away all day and do something with the children helps.
Keep your relationship strong with your children, and acknowledge that the silent treatment is not ok, you cannot control another persons behaviour, that’s on him but you can certainly say it’s unacceptable

Keep posting

[Bananaboat]

As Sunshinedrops says, he’s actually using the kids – it’s all a game of control. A non-abusive dad would encourage relationships with both parents, would try to shield the kids from his feelings about you, would demonstrate good behaviour to them – silent treatment for a year & infront of the kids is super cruel to you and the kids! Here, he’s showing his ‘power’, he’s segregated you, he’s probably being a ‘Disney dad’ and spoiling them. Don’t be fooled, he’s not doing any of this because he’s a good dad. He’s also pushing your buttons, trying to push a reaction to then use against you. My ex would do the same, then use any reaction to say ‘you’re a bad/mad mum’. My youngest was at nursery when we split but lived together and I had similar treatment to you, my child was displaying worrying behaviour- anger, frustration, wanting to play alone as if he didn’t trust others and I was called into nursery. Since getting out there’s been a complete turnaround. Stay safe but embrace your inner lioness and protect those babies, he’s not a ‘ok dad’, he’s abusing you all x x

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