Feeling drained and sad

[gladtobefree]

I’m really having an off day. Still awaiting papers (detail removed by moderator) relating to my daughter. The anxiety is awful and I still get upset at the thought of losing custody even though I know that he has no grounds and uses our our to upset me. I can’t quite understand how someone can be so vile so vile to me when I went through so much to even have put baby. I think back to things and it makes me shocked that I did not see how bad they were. I was upset at the time but still didnt see it for what it really was. The night I had our baby. I had a c section and it wasnt my first and I was high risk. My ex had my hospital bed that night as he complained he was tired even though I was in pain. That is just one of the things that made me start to realise how little he cared. Before the birth he managed to maintain the act of being overly nice most of the time so it was harder to get my head around when it changed so quickly. He actually believes I’m the nasty person and still to the day when I try and be civil he is nasty to me. Surely it’s not right that because we have a baby together that me or my children should have to live like this. The mental torture is horrible and I am so tired of him saying he is going the legal route but still hasn’t even filled papers. His family sent cards and Christmas and wrote on the cards certain things to imply our baby belongs to them. I am worried that the judge will not take into consideration his lack of empathy and won’t see him for what he really is. I don’t want him to emotional damage our child.

[gladtobefree]

excuse the spelling errors

[Anonymous]

A lot of what my ex said to me turned out to be empty threats he used to control me.

[gladtobefree]

Hi Landy
I completely agree that they have a lot of empty threats but his family will push and push (detail removed by moderator). He is very much under their control and that was also a problem in our relationship. My pregnancy was high risk and so was having my 3rd c section yet his family had no regard for my situation and treated me like nothing. They act as if I am just the person who had the baby and they think they have rights to our baby over me 🙁

[Iwantmeback]

Hi gladtobefree, we are terrible at looking at the worst case scenarios aren’t we. Have you spoken to anyone with regards to your partner and what he says. WA might be able to paint a clearer picture. Could writing down the facts help you see things clearer. Pros and cons sort of list. Dad, being on the con list of course😏
The fact that he’s not gone down the legal route soeaks volumes, can you go no contact. Any contact is an excuse for them to bad mouth, use scare tactics, manipulate, emotionally abuse. Try and enjoy your time with your daughter in the here and now, don’t let him steal these moments from you. 💞
IWMB 💕💕

[gladtobefree]

I know that if it wasn’t to save face to friends and family and also tgat his family are pushy and enable him then he wouldn’t bother with our baby. He contacted mediation which they said was not suitable and just says he is seeing a solicitor or he is getting papers necmxt week etc
He tells people that he doesn’t see our baby or we row because I said I’d move away, I did say that as I’d had enough but that’s just an excuse and all he has to say. His attitude is a joke, he is nasty and argues over everything and anything and even when I’m polite and try and be nice he is nasty with No grounds. Amazing that someone can be so horrible to the Mother of his child and he acted like he was so excited to be a Dad and made out it would be amazing. I gave up my business that I built up for years as he said he wanted to be the provided. I discussed my issues with this and he said it wouldn’t be in vein. Text book that he discarded me and all those discussions and plans like I was nothing. The only thing that gets to me is in regards to our baby. I hate the thought of him or his family having access or an influence and they are horrible. I said they could visit the baby but they refuse if I’m there even when she was breast feeding on demand. They don’t put our baby first at all. They won’t even use my surname in regards to her and even though she has both our names they refuse to acknowledge it. That’s only gets to me as when our baby is older that isn’t nice for her. I don’t get why they think any of this is beneficial for our baby and don’t see how they would emotionally effect her. I have a solicitor and have seemed all advice I can but I get told it’s a case of a waiting game which is the hardest part xx

[KIP.]

Start building a good happy life for you and your baby, take him and his family out of the equation. Try not to worry or act on anything but what is put in front of you in black and white. Abusers are liars. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. You’re right about him trying to save face. Once reality hits home he won’t want the responsibility of a young baby. Try not to let him see you’re upset and use a solicitor for contact if you can afford one. It’s your baby, your life to decide who you allow into it.

[gladtobefree]

Thank you for the advice.
I have a solicitor already as I’ve been granted legal aid on the basis of emotional abuse. I have good days when I am focused and know that he had no grounds to get custody but then my love for my baby makes me panic and get upset. I am living a normal life for me and the children but in my head I have this going around and I hate that he has any control over me and I know that’s what he wants. Even this evening I’ve been told again that his family are bad mouthing me on social media and are saying I’ve denied access when I haven’t. I just won’t allow it without supervision and for good reason. I really hope the judge doesn’t fall for his poor me and his victim act x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi again, can you say to those who are telling you what’s going on in social media to stop bringing back tales. You know the truth, who cares what anyone else feels or thinks on the matter. True friends and even just aquaintences that know you truly, they’ll believe you. Fighting to get your side out is a waste of energy. Use those SM posts and let your solicitor see them. She may be able to send a heavy worded letter to those involved. Rise above it my friend. You are doing what you’re doing to protect you and your family, to help with them. Best wishes
IWMB 💕💕

[gladtobefree]

I spoke to my solicitor today and she said to even inform them myself to stop or she could write a letter. I’m not sure of to even bother for now. I know that people will believe what they want to anyway. My ex comes across as a lovely person so most people think he is exactly that. He plays the sensitive hard done by person to everyone. That won’t last forever and eventually people will wonder why these situations keep happening in his life. I really don’t care and would happily just be away from them all and get on with my life. People can think what they want I just think that it’s not fair on my children when things get back to them. I have teenagers from previous relationship aswell as a baby. My solicitor is a bit abrupt and very matter of fact which I’m not sure if that’s normal :/ xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi as to the last part of your post, solicitors/lawyers are abrupt, they have to be in order to see past the emotional said of their cases. It’s not you, but in our circumstances it very much feels like it is.
You have the right attitude towards your ex and those writing on sm, good on you😊
💕💕

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