Feeling empty and scared

[Velvet]

Hi. I’m new to this and only had the courage thus week to ring the helpline. Never considered my verbal abuse warranted any help and wasn’t sure it actually was. So many years of criticism and other issues. Have asked him to leave a few times but he won’t go. Came to ahead for the 3rd time recently after I found him on more fetish sites. He still won’t leave. Now going through whole being overly nice scenario and saying he needs help and therapy. I’m past all that. Been screaming out to him for ears to get counselling. I’ve been so unhappy and he doesn’t seem to care. Reckon n********t and gaslighting. Not sure why I’m writing this. Does anyone feel so empty they feel like a shell. Scared that I’ll never get free. Have told him I want a divorce. Gonna file on (detail removed by moderator). When he gets the letter I know it’s gonna start. Gotta hold on. He won’t move into spare room after asking for days. So I have to. How can I believe I’ll ever be free? Sorry for waffling on incoherently. Love to all x*x

[hurtnomore]

Hi Velvet,

I have also been here a few days too! it has really helped at my low points. I Hope it helps you too. I was also with a n********t mental,physical abuse i decided to leave but i am also getting the i need help, ill change etc etc its all rubbish they will never change. Filing for a divorce is the first step so well done! you really do need to gt out and ignore the ” ill change” he never will. it is all part of their game. Although I have left i also feel like i am in a shell and isolated. It is hard when you leave but you will automatically feel a sense of relief. and you will get out!! theres only so long he can refuse to move out.. you could even file for a restraining order if that helps you. Im sorry you feel the way you do and i hope you get out safe and stay out! read through some of the topics and you will see how much support there is out there from people who know what you are going through. you will get through this! x*x

[Velvet]

Thanks hurtnomore

I know he wont change. Been through all that. Been told to hang on in there in the house because of my financial situation. But to be honest I don’t care right now if I lose everything financially but I want my (detail removed by moderator) year old boy to be safe and with me. I haven’t plucked up the courage to tell him yet. With ‘him’ pretending everything is rosy makes it even more difficult. Once I file I know he will turn nasty, well back to normal, and he has never been physically abusive but I’m still scared of the verbal backlash. So so emotionally exhausting. You hang in there. I’m so glad I found this helpline and forum. You do feel like you are losing your marbles until someone says ‘no, youre not’ he is being abusive. I never thought mine was bad enough I suppose as not physical. You cant see it. He has wiped all my self out of me. I want that back. I cant get a restraining order yet as he hasn’t done anything physical to me so the solicitor said that would be really hard to get. But we will see what happens when the papers are served. Ive been told to ring the police if he gets abusive. Shaking while I write. At least I’m not the only one and these people on here make you realise that. Thanks so much for answering me. Much love and hugs. Hang on in there you xxxx

[Anonymous]

Hi velvet
I lived with a (detail removed by moderator). 
It was hell in the end emotional abuse gaslighting. Used my insecurities against me which hurt my soul so bad .i was diagnosed with ptsd .best descion i did was run and never look bk .took me a year from sleeping on familys couch to getting my own place
It was hard work ..but iam happy iam free

Hope you get the freedom you deserve from this monster hun before he breaks you totaly

Hugs X

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey hun, welcome and well done for calling the helpline, you seem like you’ve done your research which will help to bring the power back your way.

Be prepared for the usual: I love you, I can’t live without you etc, followed (when he realises you mean it) by him upping the campaign and telling anyone who will listen how awful you are. Making up total lies. Be prepared for him using your child as a pawn.

It’s awful but well done to you xx

[Author]

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