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    • #145122

      Hi all, I posted here a few weeks ago then felt like I was being hyperbolic and unfair to him. We had a nice few days and I felt hopeful but now I realise those nice few days were me being on eggshells and paying for (detail removed by moderator). He was late, didn’t include me in plans and snapped if I asked if he could (detail removed by moderator) etc. This week he has pushed and pushed about various issues which will either cost me money I dont have, resources, legal stuff. he’s pushed for sex when I’m upset and crying after hes told me what a horrible person i am-i caved ina few times, implied that I’m cheating, told me I’m intentionally ruining his life, turned up to work and my flat unanounced late at night only to sit silently staring at me, furious. I’m not a timid person, I’m a feminist!? but I find myself pandering to him. Taking him out, making food, spending so so much money to help him. I’ve paid for his personal expenses to keep the peace and am almost in debt. It’s pathetic. (detail removed by moderator) he called to ask me to pay for (detail removed by moderator). I went for a drink to clear my head after work and said he could join me or id see him in the morning. hes furious and says (detail removed by moderator). he has cheated so many times but constantly accuses me (ive honestly never even looked at another man). all i want is some peace and some of the promises he made the last time we broke up to come true. but hes angry with me all the time and constantly tells me i look down on him (obviously hes projecting.i love him and respect him) he told me he thinks my body has changed from sleeping with other men. i dont even know what to say when he says this stuff. im grateful when hes in a good mood but i sacrifice a lot to get him there and im beginning to worry he will get angry enough to do something we’ve had one incident in the past. i just feel tired. i wish i had the strength to either fix this or leave without being weighed down by guilt and regret.i know im going to feel terrible for saying any of this. i really really want him to be happy. i want to feel appreciated and respected.

    • #145127

      I just wanted to add that i made the mistake of telling a friend some of this and now I feel like I’ve betrayed him. She wont be around him and I’m sure she’s told other people. i told her about the incident we had months ago and now shes sending me all this domestic abuse stuff. i wish i could take it back.

    • #145227
      Main Moderator

      Hi pris,

      Thank you for sharing with us. I hope posting has helped you to offload about what you are going through and how you are feeling. It is natural to feel a range of emotions so please do keep posting if it helps to share as we do understand. You aren’t betraying him, he is the only one responsible for the abuse- you deserve happiness and to be free of fear.

      Take care,


    • #158755

      Dear Anonymous,

      Your story resonates with mien. For years I felt guilty and trapped by false assertions of love. It seems like such a long time ago and it was as I’m much wiser and older now. But let me assure you that you’re not to blame for someone’s else actions as he is an adult and should be taking financial responsibility for what he does. Like yourself, I also paid for most of my ex’s expenses and everyone always called me the ‘modern woman’ when in fact, I was being financially coerced and manipulated and went on to lose even more financially I finally divorced. I now live on my own and have done so for many years and I still get those days when I can hear his manipulative voice in my head when I’m purchasing something I like.

      I hope you find someone that deserves and respects you, after all, that’s what feminism is about.

    • #158762
      Twisted Sister

      Hi weather

      I wasn’t sure that you were aware that some of these year/s old posts are from accounts that have been deleted and are now showing a status of inactive.

      The advice you give is helpful for anyone to read, so nothing wasted, just maybe useful for you to know.

      You can see under your name, and mine, there is a status showing of ‘participant’. Any deleted accounts will show as ‘inactive’, and have a name of ‘anonymous’.

      warmest wishes


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