Feeling grotty but remembering how far I’ve come.

[Eve1]

Think it’s taking a while for this new dose to settle down. I’m feeling really tired. It’s frustrating, I hope it wears off.
However, as I sat trying to get myself going after daughter had gone to school, I thought it’s (detail removed by moderator) years since we sold the house and were going through divorce. I have up my little job as I was exhausted and wanted a change and had a little bit of money. But it was only (detail removed by moderator)since he’d left and though it felt like milestone and a huge relief, i was still in the middle of it really. Still had to deal with him about the kids and still realising that it was abuse. But I feel like a different person. I had no faith in myself then and he was still in my head. Although the antidepressants are making me woozy, I’m do much more confident. Never going to be the most confident person, but compared to what I was with him im so much better. My daughter’s going through some tough times at the moment, but there’s no doubt we’re all better off without him, though I worry that she has to see him and had now said she’likes’ going to Dad’s. My son has done fantastically well at his first term at uni, and we spent some of Mother’s Day altogether and I got lovely presents. So even though I’m still on my journey and this bit is tough, I’ve got lots to be positive about.
Sorry I’m posting and not helping much at present.
Take care everyone
Eve
x

[mixed-up mum]

Hi Eve – nice to hear from you today. 🙂

I’m glad I didn’t go down the route of antidepressants when I was low, I really thought about it and came very close, but I didn’t realise they would make you feel this bad, and this tired.

I have been on them in the past and I honestly felt they did nothing for me – neither put me up not down – so I figured what’s the point in pumping chemicals in to me body when they don’t help.
But that was just me – I’m sure they do help most folk, and who knows there may come a time when I may need them yet…..

It is hard to remain positive and upbeat about things – and you are so right – we do just have to stop and take a long hard look at ourselves and just see how far we HAVE come!!!!!

Yes don’t be hard on yourself – you are still going through a very tough time – selling your family home – starting afresh in a new house – then going through divorce – all traumatic for any mum – but when you have escaped an abusive relationship like we have, that’s added trauma in to the situation – trauma that friends and family just don’t understand, having not lived through it themselves.

It can be hard to cope with normal everyday life, and then when even little things go wrong it seems impossible to cope, and slowly you feel yourself ‘go under’…..

And all the while you are having to remain strong for the kids and keep their lives as ‘normal’ as possible, their lives have been turned upside down too – sometimes they love and miss their dad and want to see him – sometimes they hate him and won’t go near him, and we have to cope with both situations and support our kids as best we can.

And yes it can be hard to see the ‘good stuff’ some days but we just have to take a long hard look at the lovely strong woman we are growing in to – give yourself a pat on the back – and say you’re doing good girl!!

Keep going – you are doing amazingly well – you should be proud of yourself.

Take care.

x*x

[mixed-up mum]

And could I just add that it’s the ladies on here that have kept me going through the hard days – I wouldn’t have got through it all otherwise.
You’ve been there for me in the hard times and seen me through it and for that I’m forever grateful – I’ve been able to say things on here that I wouldn’t/couldn’t say to anyone else – the ladies on here listen and advise and never judge.

I’m sure you too feel the same Eve – there are times no one can understand you like the ladies on here do. 🙂

[Eve1]

Hi Mixed up Mum,

Thanks for your reply. I wish I could amend the title, its meant to say ‘but remembering how far I’ve come’. I did it on my phone and it doesn’t show everything I’ve typed. I emailed Lisa for help but it’s a little thing to bother her with really.

About the antidepressants, I’m on them now and so that’s that for a while, but it might not be too long. If there’s a next time I’ll look into alternatives before I go on them again. They serve their purpose though.

I’m totally with you about this forum. It’s a lifesaver and you’re right, I’ve said things on here I could say to no-one else. Like you I’m so, so grateful. Especially for the understanding and the clarification and validation I got right at the beginning when you don’t know it’s abuse.

Lots of love
Eve
x

[missgiddypants]

Hi Eve smart phones eh too smart for their own good I guessed what it meant after you submit a post go back and read it over ,there is an option to edit ,not sure if you can the title ,the rest you can I do it all the time as the sentences sometimes skip lines so I try to read it back to make sure it makes sense x

[Serenity]

How can you edit? Xx

[Serenity]

You have come far, Eve.

I feel like you. Despite the practical difficulties and trauma that is still hovering around at times, I feel so much better without him around me. I feel free.

Each year, we will get that little bit more healed, and we will achieve amazing things without those vultures pecking away at us.

X

[missgiddypants]

serenity submit your post ,then read it and at the top is and option to edit next to each post it says reply report but when you submit it says edit click on that and it goes back to your post for you to alter it if you wish ,I just added more to this xx

[Serenity]

Thanks x

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