- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Finally looks like I might be getting re houses with my daughter. Following on from a conversation I had Friday with the lady from my housing association, she wants to see me Wednesday with documents to see if there is anywhere she can rehouse me and my daughter. I was so so pleased at first. But now I’m starting to feel sick. Sick with fear and guilt. Fear of what he will say and do when he finds out. And guilty because I feel like I’m conning him, going behind his back which I suppose I am. I am feeling sad so I am trying to make myself remember the abuse. I get bad anxiety when I am in unfamiliar surroundings and out of routine so a new house will bring challenges but I know I will get there in time. I just hate this guilty feeling, I’ve given him so many chances to change but he just won’t so he’s give me no other option but to leave. Sorry for the rambling post, just needed to write it all down I think
-
Remember that guilt is the number one tool that abuser’s use, because it is so effective. You feel guilt because you are a good, kind, honest person and wouldn’t normally leave without telling someone. However, all the research and experience of women before us shows that sadly these men are not like us, they are devious and lack empathy, and some women have been killed by their controlling partners once they found out they were leaving.
I had to do a similar thing. I was round at his house, we hadn’t talked about splitting up and at the time I had no idea I was being abused by him, I just felt incredibly sad and hurt and confused all the time and started to fear him but didn’t know why. So I went round, and I wanted us to resolve a thing that had happened earlier that day. But he kept getting angry and irate and didn’t seem to want to resolve it, instead wanted to verbally attack me and be domineering and aggressive. I saw this glint in his eye that he was really getting off on attacking me and making me scared, as I started to feel scared. My gut started calmly telling me to go, leave now, go it said. He was like a different person, the sweet lovely boyfriend I thought I had had been replaced with an aggressive, scary, hostile, threatening, gleeful misogynist. I suggested we take a few days to calm down and talk, but when I next spoke to him it was to end things. All I knew was that I needed to get out of that house fast.
I never saw him again because I knew that I wouldn’t be safe, whereas normlly I would split up with someone face to face and have a calm discussion about things.
When we are not safe we don’t have that luxury, and the men don’t deserve that consideration – they would only use it to hurt us anyway.
It is great you have your own place lined up, just keep going, and write down a list of all the abuse somewhere safe if you haven’t already to help during the times when the guilt comes up.
-
I’m glad you’re out now Sunshine! He sounds unhinged! You’re right guilt is definitely their number one tool. Last night he pressured me into getting a loan. I already have two bank loans and my overdraft to pat back because of him so to have to pay another loan back has made me feel so upset and worried. Anyway he was telling me to shut up before I could even get my words out. He swanned out happily to go see his mates to go smoke weed i assume. I had literally had enough so i text him saying I wanted him to leave our house. I was expecting abuse asnthats what he’s done in the past hence why I was trying to do a planned move but he text back saying he would leave. I then text him again saying I didn’t want any trouble. he was usually nice when he got back and said he would move out but not tonight. I don’t want him hanging around cause he will start to get angry. I have had to take the day off work again so I’m losing money and he’s gone to tr dentist but said he’ll be back later. I just want him to take his things and leave
-
-
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
