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Trying to leave my partner, he would rather die than move out and leave me in peace so I
Am looking at other properties so I can move out with our daughter. So far I have found two that both seem great. One of them is a flat with a housing association so it is a lot cheaper than the other one I’ve seen and would probably be easier to sort out getting without him knowing. I have to sign up to all these sights to apply and nothing seems to be working when I try to. It’s making me panic and think I’ll just be stuck forever. I have tried to ring the helpline but still can’t get through. I have so many questions I need answering. I want to get out sooner rather than later as his behaviour is getting beyond comprehension, this morning he was angry about the kitten making a mess with its litter tray so he started swearing and getting angry at me and the kitten. He picked it up and started using it as a brush to sweep the litter up, I was screaming at him to stop. I ran up to him so he threw the kitten and screamed and swore at it. He was arguing with me and then kicked the kitten and then punched a door and screamed at me to f**k off. I was crying and Obviously afterwards he was apologising saying he was so sorry and that he hated doing what he did. Obviously not enough to not do it. I am usually disgusted by him at the best of times but looking at him actually makes me feel sick and he’s trying to be normal but I just can’t be but I can’t continue to be angry at him otherwise he might snap again so I’m at a loss. I’m really hoping I get the answers I need before these properties slip through the net as I’ve been searching for weeks and weeks. Sorry for the rambling I just feel
Like I’m in limbo -
Oh my god that is so awful about the kitten, I wish I could come and rescue it. I can’t stand the way these men treat their supposed loved ones and pets, it makes me feel ill.
Can you leave a message on the voicemail for the helpline to ring you back? I did that once and they rang me a few hours later. You can ask them to ring you when it is a safe time.
You could also ring CAB and shelter tomorrow for help with housing. The housing association sounds good, do they have a number or email to contact them on? Hopefully it will be easier tomorrow when things are open. If you can, gather up all your documents and things somewhere where he won’t be suspicious so that you will have all the necessary documents for applying for housing and everything else.
And please take the kitten with you, or rehouse it with a friend or at a local shelter, as it will be completely helpless and at risk being left with him.
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I can’t even stand to be in the same room as him at the moment. He’s making me feel sick. I want so badly to scream and shout at him and kick him out but he would go spare at me resulting the whole house suffering. The kitten is getting re homed with a lovely old man this week, coming to get him Thursday. I am meant to be in work tomorrow but I don’t want to leave him with my cats I might have to see if they can give me an emergency holiday and I’ll go to the CAB when he’s gone out. I’ve got shelters number, I tried to ring them on Saturday but couldn’t get through. Hoping I’ll be able to get through tomorrow.
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I feel like a failure like I’ve let my poor pets down. I want to ask him to stay somewhere else tonight but I don’t know if that will make him angry again or not. I can’t ask the helpline to call me back cause I never know when he’s going to be in or out you see. I don’t have any family living near me otherwise I would go to theirs for the day and request a callback but it just seems impossible at the moment. I’m hoping things are easier tomorrow when everything is open again. Thankyou
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It sounds very difficult, Rockandroll. You haven’t let your pets down, he is the one causing them harm and you are trying to protect them. Keep going and soon you and your pets and children (if you have them) will be safe. That is positive that the kitten is getting rehomed this week. Do you have any friends who can care for the cats while you get your new place sorted?
Good idea to take a sick day then ring round these people tomorrow and see if you can get the housing sorted. It is incredibly hard but you are doing all the right things. I wish the helpline had more workers, it really needs it for the amount of abusers doing harm. I couldn’t get through to the helpline for months either, until I left them a voicemail. What about if you left them a voicemail and if they rang and he was there just pretend it was a wrong number, but if he isn’t there you get to speak to them, or does that feel too scary/dangerous?
Also feel free to ask us any practical questions about moving etc as be might be able to help. Do you have a local domestic abuse/womens aid team you can call? My local one have a helpline that I could always get through to, and they were great. Keep going, you are on the right path and things will get sorted as nigthmarish as it feels right now.
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Sunshine, I feel like a terrible person. I am hoping we can get to Thursday without any major incidents then he will be safe in his lovely new home. He is one of 4 kittens that my cat had, the one that’s going Thursday is the last one to go. Itll just be the mum cat then who isn’t any trouble at all but I don’t have any friends that’d be able to have her for me whilst I got a new house sorted. I want to take her with me wherever I go, I don’t want to leave her in the house alone with him for a second especially when he finds out I have got a new house for me and our daughter. That’s a good idea about the callback from the helpline, I think I will do that! I know they are very busy helping other women in need so I don’t mind but I don’t want to run out of time before I get the answers I need. I’m going to book a holiday day from work tomorrow and ring the places I need to. At least then I’ll know what is available to me. I’m not sure if I have a local womens aid, do I just google it? Sorry if these questions sound silly, I’ve never done anything like this before x
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You’re not a terrible person Rockandroll, not at all. I love cats too and am a huge animal fan so get really upset over animal abuse. Good idea to keep an eye on all the cats and keep them near and out of his way, it’s just like if you had a baby really, our protection instinct is always there for them.
You can search for your local service here:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
I also found local domestic abuse charities that helped me too which I found through google. I just rang everyone and asked for help, I had no idea who I was ringing, I was hysterical really but they helped me and guided me on next steps. If you can ring them all first thing when they open you can hopefully get through. I wish the government would fund these places better, it is so frustrating how many people need help and have to wait so long.
If you can, brainstorm all your ideas somewhere then set a plan, hopefully with the help of someone at one of these organisations. You could use an app on your phone to do this unless he checks your phone, or on some paper if you have anywhere safe to store it. Shelter do drop-ins too, as well as having a helpline, they just get super busy so if you go to one turn up right at the start.
Then once you have your plan you can start to work on it and feel better, knowing you are making progress. Just pretend to be normal so he doesn’t suspect anything and then fingers crossed you can leave with your cats when he’s out. Keep going.
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Hi Rock and Roll,
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation.
Women’s Aid normally do call you back within a day or two. Shelter and Refuge are other people you could try.
I remember that a short while ago Women’s Aid was publicising a voluntary service where people will look after your pets whilst you are in a refuge or in transitional housing- foster carers for the pets of women who are escaping abusive situations.
I hope that you get things sorted. Remember to keep as safe as possible, don’t let on what you are planning. Women’s Aid can suggest things to help you to keep as safe as possible.
X
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Thankyou for your replies and info guys. I really do appreciate it. Sunshine, I know what you mean. I just can’t get the image out of my head of him doing that to my poor kitteb. I tried to gently persuade him to stay somewhere else tonight, he wasn’t having any of it so I quickly left it at that. He even went up to the mum cat and was stroking her saying “see, look I’m being nice to her I’m not a bad person really am I” He never ever strokes the cats so obviously he was putting on a little act to show he was sorry. He is completely off his head. Nothing surprises me with him anymore. Serenity, I’ll look into the pets being temporarily looked after thing 🙂 that sounds good and a lot safer! No you’re right, I can’t let him find out what I’m up to. I’m being so careful with my phone to delete any browser history or any text messages because he has a habit of going through my phone to see if I’m cheating. Thanks again for the info, I’ll let you all know how I get on after I’ve phoned up tomorrow x
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