Feeling let down.

[LookingForAnswers]

So I feel so let down and deflated.
Went for my intro counselling session. Was so nurvous going there. Worried husband would ring, starting to feel a mild panic attack coming. But kept thinking it will help, I need to do it.
Fill out all the forms needed before I go in. On the form it asks about what extra help I might need, ie benifits, housing. So I tick a few that I fill will help if/when I chose to leave.
Get introduced to a nice lady, we go to a room, start talking and filling out some more forms.
Start talking about what I have ticked, and I mentioned that I have made contact with women’s aid and been assigned someone, and waiting to hear from them. (on holiday, back Monday)
She stops writing and tells me that I have to chose which service I need, that women’s aid offer 1to1 sessions so wouldn’t be good to have two similar 1to1s going on at the same time.
I didn’t realise this, and now I feel like hiding and crying. I feel silly for going and wasting their time. I feel so tired and wiped out as I had to hide it from my husband, and felt ‘guilty’ for doing so. Was looking forward to getting some things off my chest, talking to someone face to face about it. Hoping it would feel more real, and not just in my head.
Just feel like I’m at square one again.
I nearly broke down with a nurse I had to see afterwards (she doesn’t know what’s going on, need ongoing dressing changes) as feeling frustrated with that as well.
That dim light I was starting to see at the end of the tunnel seems to have gone out.

[LookingForAnswers]

I waited three weeks for this appointment, maybe I was hoping for too much, that one session could fix me. But laying here in bed thinking I have got to hold on for another week before I can get the ball rolling again. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.
I think I’m starting to morn the loss of this relationship, and I don’t know what to do.
I have a telephone appointment tomorrow during work hours and I fear I might break down while talking to the doc, then have the face going back to my desk.
I was going to ask, should I or even how do I tell my boss at work that something is going on.
My boss knows my husband, (friends on facebook).
I nearly blurted it out on the phone to my mum this afternoon. But didn’t.

Don’t think I’m going to get much sleep tonight. Head hasn’t stopped working/thinking/worrying since the session.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Lookingforanswers,

Don’t feel bad about approaching two services, I approached several too and in the end chose my favourite one. It’s very common for them to do this because involvement from more than one counsellor for example can end up being counter productive, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong so please be kind to yourself, you didn’t waste their time. It can be really difficult accessing the right services and that was all you were doing.

Have you met the other counsellor yet? What I did was meet all of them then chose my favourite. I’m actually still on the waiting list for my favourite one but due to meet the counsellor soon. In the end it has to be the right person, someone we feel comfortable with. If you liked this person today then maybe you could ask women’s aid if you could see their counsellor after this one? So not at the same time but months after finishing with one service.

When is your next counselling session due? In the meantime I recommend ringing Samaritans and also writing it down. I also paint out my feelings which helps loads especially when I just feel rage, I made a really satisfying angry black and red painting!

I’m not sure what to advise about your boss etc as I’m not sure if you’re still with your partner or not but just take things one day at a time and don’t force yourself to make too many overwhelming decisions at once. Put self care first and take it one step at a time. xx

[LookingForAnswers]

I haven’t spoken to my WA support worker yet.
the counsellor today said that if I stuck with them, it could be 4-6 weeks before I see them again, and she felt it wouldn’t be a good thing me starting to offload to them, when WA would be better equipped to offer the help I need.
and if I chose to leave now they would close my case and I would have to self refer again to see anyone.
I just thought I was getting somewhere and now I have taken a giant leap backwards.

I need to write things down again. I did when I was a teenager. I found it really helpful. Plus some of the things i would write I would burn. But I dot want to start a pad and risk husband seeing it. We are still living in the same house, although sleeping in different rooms. I ha e tried typing on my phone, but it doesn’t have the same release/feel that writing with pen and paper does.
Thank you

[SunshineRainflower]

Yes it’s much trickier when you’re still with them. To be honest it sounds like your priority is to leave him and then look at counselling after? I think some places only work with you if you’ve left as the abuser can undo the good work otherwise.

Have you got some support in getting out of the relationship? Did you manage to get through to the helpline? I think the WA support worker sounds like your best bet for now then counselling after that. To be honest waiting lists everywhere seem to be massive, I left over a year ago and have only just got an appointment this month, I’ve been on the counselling waiting list for 14 months so it’s unusual to be seen so quickly but I agree that it’s rubbish. I’ve been desperate to speak to someone that whole time, these places really need so much more funding.

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