Feeling like a Freak

[teatime]

At my age am feeling like I am a freak to be single. Everyone I know is married and has somewhere to live.
I feel terribly scared most of the time because I am losing my home, actually which has always been the only semi-solid thing in my life. It came with my job. I am also losing my job.
I have a chronic illness. I cannot see much light ahead.
I live in a very expensive part of the country.
I have hardly any friends.
I thought things would get better but I just ended making the same mistake again a few years ago, and all the men I meet are married and I don’t want a relationship anyway. Every time I do it turns into a nightmare.
My last partner died.
I am a freak. I am sorry but I just am. I am in constant physical pain( yes I am seeking medical help).
My only friend is an old ex boyfriend who has problems too.
All I want in life is a home and a cat.
But….
I am c**p. I hope other folk do better than me.

[Lisa]

Hello Teatime,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at the moment. I just wanted to show you some support. You are doing brilliantly and are a great support here on the forum. You are not a freak, you are a kind woman who is doing the best she can in her circumstances. Please keep being kind to yourself.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Lightness]

Hi Teatime

I think a lot of us feel like this at times. I certainly feel ‘different’ to others. Single, childless, not a great career, no home of my own. I had few friends where I’m staying because I had to leave my old life behind (I am making friends now but it takes time). It’s tough. We aren’t freaks though – we are courageous.
Sometimes it is hard to see the light in the future. We need to let more time pass as we begin the journey of grieving and healing. We must trust that it will get better.
Lx

[Serenity]

Hi Teatime,

I’m sorry to hear about your job. I hope that something else turns up for you, and that you get some accommodation sorted. It’s so stressful when these big changes occur.

I’m sorry too about your illness. I have a chronic pain condition too, so can sympathise.

Regarding you feeling like a freak: you truly are not. Not all people who are married and have children, the nice car and nice house are happy. Some are downright miserable. Controlling behaviour and abuse might be causing many people pain, but they may not want to publicise it or even know how to deal with it. Things may look rosy from the outside, but unfortunately, behind closed doors, things can be different.

I am single now and the last thing I want is a relationship. In fact, I don’t care if I never have another one. Controlling behaviour from both my ex and other people in my life means that I have grown possessive of my
freedom. I want to develop myself and care for myself in ways that I couldn’t when enmeshed in unhealthy relationships.

Don’t look to society and measure yourself by it in a negative way. Look inside yourself, and try to work out what things you want to do that you’ve never been able to do, what parts of you would you like to develop? How I feel right now, just being permitted to be myself feels like I have won the lottery.

Not measuring yourself by
society’s standards but listening to your own inner voice, the beat of your own drum. I know it is an uncertain time for you and practical issues will be causing you stress, but aside from this, know that being yourself- and not just part of a couple – is the most important thing x

[teatime]

I know what you mean about feeling like you have won the lottery just being who you are… I do not have sexual relationships any more because I soon fall into feeling controlled and also my health is such I have not the energy for full on stuff. I always feel invaded by sex, like what it brings is not enough when you think of the later pitfalls.
I was awarded PIP recently. I was ecstatic that my illness was recognised. It was not so much the money as tbh I had not even looked up how much it might be( I didn’t want to be duly disappointed), but that someone saw my illness and pain. In relationships my illness has been a cause for further abuse, being told I am useless etc. I have a little more to live on now. I have a chronic condition, it’s very painful, called fibromyalgia.I also have other health problems. I would encourage anyone with bad health to apply for PIP. Sometimes women who have been abused develop health problems which make every day life hard. xx

[puzzledatlife]

I understand the struggles of living alone with a chronic condition. I just tell you how I cope in case it helps.
I signed up as disabled at work so that gives me some flexibility to work from home. I have a son to support too so I invested in making friends. I did that through a meet up app that is free and there are many many groups for all sorts of things from book clubs to social events etc. Is a people who want to connect and is all volunteer based. For me with a young son no partner very little maintenance no contact from my child’s father and no family here (I am foreigner) has been a blessing to meet friends.
For many years I had to live in tiny places. But as i like to cook I would invite people often for dinner. Making a pizza for 5 costs about 1.50£. Eating together for me is a wonderful wa y to connect to share to talk to laugh. People appreciate being cooked for. They bring things to to share.
Even if the place was tiny and we were eating on the floor it started feeling homely. Even if I felt like a freak for being so alone and bringing up my child so differently I found people accept you more than you accept yourself.
So new friends soon becane my family. It is a bit different but still lovely. They are here for me and I am there for them if they need.
I hope this may give you some ideas of how to make things a bit more pleasant
Xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi teatime, hope you are a bit more at peace with yourself. Tbh, a place of my own and a cat sounds blissful.
Blessings and peace to you
IWMB 💕💕

[teatime]

It’s very kind of you to think of me, thank you. I am not in a very good place, still.I am hoping things will improve. I have had a few shocks lately but hoping for a better future. My dear friend and I are helping one another. He is learning to drive. Also I applied and was granted PIP. So it’s very slow… I get panicked at times, I am very sensitive. xx

[Iwantmeback]

Ive since learned that fibromyalgia can be a symptom of DA. I too have chronic pain and was awarded pip last year. I can’t work as i need to lie down more and more as sitting and standing hurt too Much eventually, then getting up is near impossible.
Im glad you got pip, it’ll be a great weight off your shoulders isnt it. Im not sure how id be financially on my own, i no longer need to sign on as fit to work but with UC in the fray now that terrifies me. My OH takes the mickey out of me as if im muffin by on my poison is wirse than what it is. I’m trying so hard not to let him get to me. Been practicing mindfulness abit fir a while now.
Keep posting and ranting. Do whatever it takes to get yourself through this
IWMB 💕💕

[Ayanna]

Oh Teatime! It will get better!
Do not give up looking for work.
I know the suffering with permanent pain. It is crippling.
Nevertheless, you need to hang in there.
Be careful with the medication. The side effects can prevent you from achieving in life.
I rather live with the pain and function well enough to work, so that I can spoil myself regularly.
Life with this condition is very tough but so are we.
Look for a shared accommodation until you find the ground under your feet again.
I am single, I have a cat and no friends.
No man can ever enter my world again.
I prefer not to have friends, because people disappointed me so badly that I cannot be bothered anymore.

[Author]

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