Feeling like everyone lies…no one ever believes you

[teatime]

I had to move into rented accommodation due to people machinating and being cruel.I cannot go into it, but I lost my job and my home due to other people’s machination over money. I got very sick and ill and had a breakdown which they didn’t care about.
It’s ok here in this rather spartan flat , but I don’t feel at home at all.
It started with a neighbour… they started having very noisy sex with some man that came in at night. I have an illness and also possibly PTSD. It literally was driving me mad.
It was making me feel nauseous as I have problems around sex now anyway. Some thought it was quite funny, but I just found it weird and embarrassing. She complained about me because she knew I objected. She made something up.I think she was making a lot of noise on purpose tbh. To show off..
She was very noisy in the day too and late into the night so I started writing it down.
When we told the agent they said they couldn’t do anything.
I just started wearing earplugs to sleep .
I got more and more depressed as I am in a lot for health reasons.
One night many cars came and went and there was some very odd stuff going on.
After that, she has been fairly quiet for, well months now. I assume other people complained too.

I feel powerless a lot of the time as we are not well off and my partner struggles to make ends meet.
I reported some damage to a part of the property recently. I saw a maintenance man near so I asked him about it. Very politely. Apparently he has now accused me of deliberately damaging it and I got a stinking message from the management
I just was so flipping upset.
I can only assume he had done it himself.

I also find my partner’s sibling lies. He twists things I say and repeats them to the rest of the family. He has minimised my health problems for instance. I have two serious conditions which are very painful disabilities. I have fibromyalgia for a start.
Because of his lies I got backwash and had to leave a family occasion.
It was because they had been told I was not really very ill.
He does this in case we get financial help. He is always finagling money out of them.
Eventually after much distress they understood at last.
I just am sick of people lying.
I am an abuse survivor, lying actually makes me literally be sick.
No one knows what I have been through because I am a happy sort on the outside.
I actually feel like I don’t belong anywhere lately. Because everyone tells lies from the government down.
I actually just thought it will only stop when I am dead and gone.

I just find it hard to trust. I have absolutely no friends either. It’s embarrassing.
What the hell do I do about all this lying?And the effect it has on me? I was brought up to be honest…

[fizzylem]

Me too tea teatime, I hate lying and it leaves me feeling sick. I just opt out of the relationship if I see someone as being a liar. Some lies are horrid and nasty, malicious, def walk away from those types. Some are because people have low self esteem and find it difficult to communicate what they think and feel and so agree with everyone, whoever they are with at the time – are people pleasers – these people I feel more compassion for, accept their difficulty – see it as a communication difficulty more than anything else, but I also wouldnt choose to have someone like this as a close friend. All my friends nowadays are those people who are compassionate and stand in their truth – are authentic, always kind.

If you’re not able to go out much it’s hard to make friends hey. Perhaps for now it’s about focusing on your health and working out what helps here? I have fibro and I have been in the pit for months, but havent taken any meds now for a few years, have found ways to manage my condition. I get flare ups but these are also now shorter as I give myself what I need, give into it for a few days or week or so.

If you can get to a well enough place you could then make some friends of your choosing; I think the liars you have to deal with now would become just that, seen as ‘liars’ and to be avoided or to keep at arms length if you cant get out of seeing them due to family arrangements. People lie chick, we cant do a thing about it bar ‘be the change in the world you want to see’ – Gandhi x

[teatime]

Thank you fizzylem for your kind reply. I don’t take many meds for my fibro just a low low dose of Duloxetine and a teeny weeny dose of codeine at night. I get very groggy on meds so opt out. But I am on some strong meds for my colitis which I dislike.I used to take painkillers but have really cut that back because of the colitis. I often feel weird , cannot describe it but is a cross between the two conditions a bit unfocussed and very insular.
I am known for being very kind and a good teacher( I can work very few hours) so this is an inner struggle.
A lot has happened to me so I feel spaced out a lot.
I was beaten up by a gang when I was young.
My ex husband was abusive and I fell in love with someone even worse. Then another one who wanted me to look after him and did not tell me he was dying…
A few years back best friend of many years suddenly decided she did not need to see me any more and now describes me as a work colleague. I tried to make a new friend but she was very jealous and unkind in the end .
I don’t see my family and there are various rifts. I love my Mum, shes my best friend but she is ancient and unwell.
I feel vulnerable and I don’t read sub text as I am no t well.
I am also quite ok to look at and am very good at my little job although I do not feel it, so people want me to like them etc.
I think I have became very very afraid of people.
I like making things and go into a world of my own and I love music. I am extremely depressed today and cannot even relate to my partner. He is very gentle and sweet.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi teatime, it’s been a while fir both of us on here hasn’t it. I’m sorry to hear you lost your job, I hope something turns up soon for you. Ah the lying, such a part of abusive peoples personalities. I also found that I too was beginning to lie, a lot, around my oh, he had accused me of it for so long, he always found out. It wasn’t that I was lying about big things,it was to prevent him getting angry at me for seeing my children or going for lunch with someone.i really can’t lie to save myself! Yet when l think about it, what I’ve done is just not tell him where I’m going or who with. I eventually left him about 6 months or so ago, so where I go and who with isn’t any of his business anymore, but he still thinks he has the right to know. It’s nice to hear you are still with your partner. My pain levels have reduced greatly since I left him, I try to minimise the time I spend with him because I’ve noticed it gets worse the more I’m around him.
I think the best thing is to try and not be around those people, teatime.
I hope you feel better within yourself soon. I’ve been walking my dog a lot, not long walks, can’t manage them now, but a wee 10 minutes here and there throughout the day. I’ve also gone back to pilates which has helped too.
Take care, IWMB 💞💞

[teatime]

Thank you Iwantmeback. I think some of us are on here for years lol. I am glad you have been taking nice walks with your dog xx

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