Feeling like I will never fully get rid.

[ImFeelinglost]

I was with my ex (detail removed by Moderator) years and although it was never physical abuse it was emotional and controlling. We split (detail removed by Moderator) months ago and I got in touch for support but got scared he would find out so thought I could do it on my own. We have been split (detail removed by Moderator) months, he still has keys and his stuff here and access to the ring doorbell. I did take it off but it caused a big issue so I don’t like conflict so put it back up. A friend set me up on dating site to try and help me get some confidence as I only have the 1 friend left for support as lost all my friends and family when I was with my ex. He found out and manipulated it that I was doing something wrong. So deleted it, I feel I am never going to be able to move on and try qnd build q life for me qnd my kids. We have no agreement in place, just as and when he wants to see them he comes, if I want to go out I have to ask him to have the kids. So it’s just easier that I don’t as it comes with 20 questions. I am so stuck with what to do as I don’t want to rock the boat and cause an argument but I don’t feel it’s fair he lives the life he wants while I am stuck with no one. Obviously I love my children and love been with them but I have no me time and really struggling to know what to do next

[KIP.]

He’s always going to control you no matter how nice or reasonable you are. Talk to a solicitor and make sure you’re the resident parent and get a access agreement drawn up. It’s none of his business what you do or who you see. Contact your local women’s aid for support and set clear and firm boundaries now after getting all your ducks in a row or this will be your life for the next two decades.

[LovingLife]

That sounds really tough for you. Agree with KIP that you need to get help from a solicitor to set up a co-parenting agreement or order. It will include living arrangements, visitation rights and other parental responsibilities. You can also contact Coram for free legal advice. Rights of Women might be a good resource for you too.

You are not alone. Rebuild your support network for advice and encouragement. If you can, get counselling support too. Last, can you mend some of your family relations and friendships?

[Whyohwhy]

I can understand your situation it’s really hard changing habits we’ve had for a long time. I dream of the day I can do zero contact with my ex but I am not there yet. My ex drives past my house and if I am not in he will start ringing my phone, if I don’t answer he will start driving round all the places I would normally go, if he still doesn’t find me he’ll park down the road from my house and wait till I get home.
I have arranged that he can see us (detail removed by Moderator) days a week (I won’t let him see her on his own) but (detail removed by Moderator) days a week seems far too much now! But like you I don’t like to upset him or cause aggravation. It’s all really hard, I keep recommending everyone to read the book ‘why does he do that’ it’s really helping me to drop my attachment to him.

[Author]

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