Feeling lost

[Tabletop]

Hi, I’m
New to this. I’ve not really talked to many people about what’s been happening or how I’m feeling. I left my partner (detail removed by moderator) and it was horrid. I’ve moved home and area. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely. I’m so good at putting on a brave face but I’m not feeling brave. I have been given sleeping tablets to help but they don’t work. I’ve applied for counselling but I know it will be weeks away. I count down the hours to evening time where I can have a drink or a sleeping tablet (in the hope it works). Worst of all I just want my partner!. I miss the comfort and the smell and Feeling of protection (oddly!). I don’t miss the anger and the walking on egg shells, the shouting, swearing at me, looks of disapproval etc etc. I don’t know how to move on from this. I feel so alone.

 

[Kitkat44]

Hello
Firstly well done for reaching out, everything you have been through will have taken huge courage.
I imagine you are still in a rollercoaster. There are many wise women here who have left and can probably advise you but what I know is how you feel is absolutely ok and what many others have felt too.
I wonder if reading about trauma bonding in relation to abusive relationships might help?
Be kind to yourself, keep posting if it helps express what’s going on for you
Xx

[Tabletop]

Thank you everyone. I thought it would be easier this time when I left. I knew deep down I was going the next time anything happened and really didn’t want to be there but I miss my home so much, my bed my animals. The familiar faces of the people i know in the street. I’ve always gone back after a while but not this time. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard. The anxiety and the loneliness is so intense!. I have no one to talk to about it all except for you guys on here. It doesn’t feel like it will ever get better. Sometimes I wish I would go to sleep and not wake up.

[Cerulean]

Hi, I’m new too
I think you should write to him all your feelings but don’t include a return address. I have not left mine so I am no judge. I keep a journal now and then in bursts to write down all my feelings which I find very cathartic, perhaps this is all you need to do?
xx

[Lottieblue]

Oh Tabletop you are so brave and the rest of your life is ahead of you – a much better one than what you had before!
I haven’t left my abuser yet, I haven’t been brave enough. But I know that when I do, then I can start to live again, without fear.

It’s completely normal for you to feel lonely, but it will get better, I promise. Please don’t be tempted to go back to him because I can guarantee that then, it won’t.
X

[Sleepy]

If you’ve left your partner you are brave! Even if it doesn’t feel it. I know this sounds really tough but I’d advise not writing to him. I got into a whole mess because I kept in contact. I doesn’t help at the moment that there’s nothing around you can get involved with with other people, depending on what your interests are there’s normally something but at the moment everything is pretty much on hold. Hope you can find ways to ease your loneliness till things start going again. Maybe use this time to start a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try, do something for you. And Writing things down helps for me and hugging a teddy bear, lol!

[Lisa]

Hi Tabletop

I just wanted to give you some support, I can see that you have had lots of supportive replies.

You have achieved so much already, and this is the start of a much happier future for you, it will just take some time. It’s completely normal to feel this way and things will get easier.

You could speak to your local domestic abuse service which you can find here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ They won’t be doing face to face support at the moment but you could find out if they run any support groups and get on the list for when they start up again, it may help to meet other women who have been in a similar situation.

If you are feeling low, please speak to Samaritans on 116 123, or you could ring your GP on Monday.

Please keep posting on here as we are all here for you.

Take care

Lisa

[Lottieblue]

Hi Honey,
Why do you feel that you couldn’t pick up the phone to someone? Do you worry that you wouldn’t be able to express yourself, or that you would be judged? Is it something you’ve tried to do before? Have you managed to speak to anyone at all?

[Tabletop]

I wouldn’t know what to say. I feel so panicked even thinking about it. I spoke to someone on the online chat But that’s all. She gave me a number to call but I just can’t do it. I wish this would all go away now. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.

[Tickleribber]

Samaritans are very good, don’t judge you and there’s no follow up, they just listen, please think about calling them

[Tabletop]

It’s just not something I can do. It will be o.k. Thank you

[Lottieblue]

tabletop I’m going to send you a private message

[Sleepy]

Rather than phone could you text. There’s a text message service available for mental health called ‘Shout’ I think. Here’s the link to their website: https://www.giveusashout.org/
If you’re anything like me talking on the phone is so much harder than typing or talking to someone face to face.

[Tabletop]

I hate talking in the phone. I have no confidence at all. Thank you so much for your help. It’s so kind of you. Hope your o.k

[Sleepy]

I don’t like talking on the phone either, I think it’s because I can’t see who I’m talking to, I’ve found I’m much better with video calls than the phone. Plus typing things. Hope you can get the help and support you need.

I’m ok, been a tearful few days but not too bad today.

[Tabletop]

Hi, I’m glad your having a better day today. It’s just so hard talking about it, isn’t it?. I’m not an open person. Not on the phone or in person.

[Tabletop]

I went back to work today. I hoped it was going to be a great day. It was in its own way but the feelings kept creeping back, even with all the distractions. The sadness and anxiety are just so overwhelming. I can’t imagine it ever changing.

[Sleepy]

Yes it’s hard to talk about the fear and anxiety to anyone, even people I’ve got really close to recently and can say just about anything to.
Glad you got back to work today and you had a least some distractions. Are there some people at work you can get to know a bit, no need to tell them everything, just build some new friendships, though I know that must be difficult at the moment. It can change. I expect you never imagined this sadness and anxiety at one point in the past, yet it’s here. Things can change again so that you have hope and happiness again. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[Author]

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