- This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hello, I felt the need to reach out again on here.
I feel so confused and messed up and I don’t know how to feel any better.
He left a while ago (I ended the relationship because of his abuse) and to begin with we spent a lot of time together because he had contact with our child and he wanted me to spend the day with him – the 3 of us together.
For a little while we were seeing each other
very regularly and I would also have sex with him when he wanted, but I hated it, and hated myself for going along with it – I did it to appease him because I’m still afraid of him, and he’s often threatened to have my child taken away, and I believe he would if he could.One day I stood up for myself – he wanted me to phone him almost every night but this one time I said sorry but I was busy (which I was and I had a good reason) and as I thought, as soon as I stood up to him the abusive behaviour started again – nasty, threatening texts accusing me of being a liar, manipulative, crazy, an unfit parent, all the usual things he would say.
His texts and accusations have been going on for some time now. He’s refused to have contact with our child, and I feel like this is the ideal time to cut him out of our lives completely.
I feel a sense of freedom but also fear and dread. Everything feels surreal, and
I feel weak. I’m ashamed of myself for letting him do the things he did and also for not ending the relationship sooner. I’m longing for some peace. I’m sorry for the long post I wanted to come on here because I feel lost and it helps me to feel less alone. -
Hello Mime
Welcome back, but this is sad to hear how you are suffering under this abuse.
The abuse is his doing, his shame, his guilt, and as you say, you are scared, feeling dread of what he may do, and this is why its not so easy to just say no, walk away, disappear from their lives, because you are aware of all the consequences you have become so familiar with.
You didn’t ‘let’ him do these things, he did them by manipulating you, taking you to a place where his needs and wants became your priority, but, as you say, you are ready to put a stop to this.
What do you need to help you to do this? Is it the support that you can have here, or do you need more support irl, or legal advice, or protection.
Its good that he has decided to not see your child, you child will experience this and know he’s not a good man, must know that this is not their fault, and nothing they’ve done, its punishment or lack of care for their child, horrible.
This freedom that you have a strong sense of being within your grasp must feel lovely, and must be something for you to have, but to come to safely during this time of heightened risk/threat to you both.
Would it help to share what you’ve said here with police? To tell them you feel scared but have to end it? and you are being blackmailed to not end things or he will make reports about you to the SS /police, etc.?
I hope it has helped with your isolation to have posted, do keep posting and let us know what else you need to get you safely through this final step.
warmest wishes
ts
-
Please don’t be sorry for the post, your 💯 far from weak you’ve been the victim of manipulations, emotional blackmail, verbal, emotional, sexual abuse and coercive control, he’s using everything he can to maintain control because in their minds if you have control over yourself it means they are losing it and in a twisted way they feel your controlling them by maintaining your control of your choices and not allowing them everything they want, they’re virtually acting like nasty spoiled brats but it’s way worse cos they’re adults and it’s scarier and they are way more vindictive, I understand your feeling all out of sorts due to what he’s put/putting you through but I’m not sure even you know just how resilient and strong you really are 1 for seeing it for what it is and 2 for trying to get out of it
🥇👍🏻🤗 -
Hello Mime,
I just want to echo what the others here have offered for support. Please do not place any blame or shame on yourself as that’s all on him. Now is the time to prioritise what you feel needs to happen for you and your child to be in a better place. Your safety and well-being is important as you begin to look at ending any contact with him.
Do talk all your concerns through with your local domestic abuse service. They are an ideal source of support as they can provide both emotional and practical help if needed. They are also free, so use them on-going as you need. They can help make a safety plan with you for leaving the relationship.
Do keep posting when you can, to let us know how you are. We are all here for you.
Take care,
Lisa
-
I feel like I wrote this myself… so so similar. I’m struggling with it ending bizarrely and feel like I want him back but am staying strong as it actually is making me ill even thinking and remembering the abuse.
Stay strong everyone
WND x
-
If he ended it with you out of the blue waving it’s usually know as a the discard, they’ve been thinking about it for a while they’ve drained everything that they can from us and just move on have already (sometimes) found others to drain from it’s all about taking with them and when we stop giving or it’s not as exiting for them (never mind the fact they bring very little and cause a lot of damage) they expect a lot, deliver not much (they’re basically seriously entitled hypocritical human hoovers) it does hurt when things end weirdly or abruptly but in the long term for you it’s so much healthier this happened than a lifetimes worth of mind games and abuse 💗💜💗
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
