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So it’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) since me and the kids left him. He’s refusing to leave our house, says his mental health is bad and he is suicidal. He has attempted before when we seaparated. Really struggling with my emotions, last week felt awful and convinced myself we should just go back. My family are supportive and even my teenage son gave me a talking to yesterday that going back is not a good idea. My youngest is unhappy and wants to go home. Husband now full of remorse and apologies, I met him (detail removed by Moderator) as I felt I wanted to get a sense of how he was. He just talked the whole time, mentioned all the support he is feeling from his family and work, therapy he is doing( this is true), how he’ll change etc. I just find it all a bit weird and it’s easy for him to say the right things.he hadn’t seen his family for (detail removed by Moderator) years and he previously stopped us from seeing them and now they’re all friends again. I have contacted my local WA twice and no one has got back to me for some counselling support. I have been advised to apply for an occupation order but I just can’t do it. I feel like emotionally I am numb and I’m just plodding along and not moving forwards. Someone please tell me how to move forwards? I’ve been reading stuff online, journaling, listening to podcasts about emotional and phychological abuse, but it now doesn’t seem to register. I’m scared if he is forced to leave the house he will attempt suicide. He told me he has now done a will and a close friend said he sent him a list of (detail removed by Moderator). What do I do? This is so hard to navigate. I don’t want to go back but I feel I’m slipping that way.
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Big hugs Sungirl,
It is very frightening when a partner discloses having suidal feelings. However in my case, I learned that my husband was using this threat as a tool to further control me.
In my case, the (detail removed by Moderator) he revealed having suicidal thoughts, I encouraged him to go to A&E. He did so, but then discharged himself because he said that he was not receiving the support that he expected.
The (detail removed by Moderator) my husband threatened suicide, I accompanied him to A&E, keen on getting the help that he “needed”. In my opinion, the healthcare professionals were doing everything right but because it was not being done in the way that my husband expected, he rejected all of that.
I put together an emergency pack for my husband, for him to go to in case he was feeling that low again. He’s not touched that pack. He’s never called Samaritans nor our local suicide advice line, nor any of the other resources I gathered for him to look after him.
He got referred to Mental Health Services who put him on a rather strong anti-psychotic, which was meant to be short term, but he’s still on it. He rejected the counselling that was offered to him because it was group counselling and “his problems were bigger than everyone else’s” who attended the group counselling.
I got my husband (detail removed by Moderator) in order to access resources there. Once again, he didn’t feel like those met his needs, so he refused them.
It wasn’t until recently that I realised that my husband was pulling levers there in order to distract me and look after his “needs” more intensely. I had gone above and beyond, and still wasn’t enough and my husband punished me and his children for that through his behaviour.
It actually makes me sad that abusers are clever enough to learn about mental health and then apply it to themselves in order to act like the victim and gain control, manipulating everyone towards his “needs”.
If you’re finding holes in the story that your partner told you on (detail removed by Moderator), definitely get in touch with your local domestic abuse service and get started on removing him from the family home.
Much love to you and your family, and strength to you xX
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Thank you browneyedmum it’s helpful to hear your story. I feel the same that he is now making himself the victim, his family are feeling sorry for him (they know about the presides suicide attempt) they have said they are supporting him. It’s frustrating but I won’t let it upset me, as they have shown no support to me and my kids. But maybe they’re just sucked in by him and what he says about himself
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