17th July 2019 at 2:38 am #83554TobfreeParticipant
So fed up and so low with the constant mind games still going on and its getting worse i never thought i would be abused again thought i was out of all this thought i had found a good man
Didnt realise for a long time i was love bombed manipulated gas lighted threatened punished and coerced etc
And now every step foreword he spots me making i spotting how he bombards me with guilt trips and the blame all on me and him playing the victim and then trying to minimise and gaslight
Its so confusing im so lucky to have support from this forum and my councellor and my friends
I got really angry today and wanted to confront him about all his abuse
But i thought whats the point he will only turn it all on me and play the victim more and throw more guilt trips gas lighting mind games at me
And i just cant deal with that
Its exhausting having to be alert to spotting the abuse
some manipulation coercion is easy to spot yet some of his coercion is really hard and confuses me
and even has me questioning my self was that abuse am i over reacting is it really all my fault n he has me feeling guilty too etc
Then i think yep its all him as i have this confirmed now by my councellor and by the ladies on this forum
And i am protecting myself from this and trying to not let him know i am on to him i know how he works his abuse on me now
Truth is its all excuses from him as he will just use any excuse to throw guilt trips at me and blame me and be vindictive and gas light me etc all abuse tactics to try to have power over me
Its exhausting and so depressing really did use to believe he was a good person and now i have to be careful how i get out
Will plan this with my councellor
17th July 2019 at 8:31 am #83559FarawayParticipant
Hi Tobfree, I’m so sorry to hear that you are in another abusive relationship. I hear you when you say what’s the point in confronting him to talk about the abuse because he will minimise, gaslight, victim blame as they all do when they confront you. Sounds like you have made the decision to leave and sounds like talking about how to go about this with you counseller is a good idea. Your actions by leaving will speak louder than words. I’ve read on this forum though that it’s a dangerous time when we leave so do you have family or supportive friends you can get the help you? Keep posting and let us know how you go with your counseller? Sending love and strength xx
17th July 2019 at 10:34 am #83563Twisted SisterParticipant
You know what you’re doing and you’re onto him! You have come a long way already.
Doing this last part is very risky and I would be very much inclined to speak to the specialists about leaving safely and without further risk to you.
Give the helpline a call when its safe for you to do so, and they will help you make a safe exit plan, plus any other emergency exit provisions should you find yourself in that situation.
Like you say, you know what hes up to now, so nonpoint in trying to call him on it. Probably the opposite, as in looking forward to holidays, avoiding any kind of challenging him, just for the greater aim of getting out as safely as possible.
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