Feeling myself softening

[Discombobulated2022]

Evening all, hope you’re all ok. My husband left begrudgingly and we are trying to Co parent. Because he doesn’t have somewhere suitable to take the kids, he sees them at mine and stays to give me a break and some rest. I’ve been so strong and kept my boundaries but I can feel myself weakening. He kisses me and I let him. And I’m starting to question whether he can make the changes he needs to? My mind is boggled and I’m unsure of my next step. Can anyone relate?

[Bananaboat]

Yes absolutely of course you miss the good times and want to believe he can be that person you love all the time. But, he knows what he’s doing. He knows how you work and what will pull at your heart strings to get him what he wants (back in). He hasn’t changed, the reasons you split are still very much part of him. If you try again, do it slowly with clear boundaries, but in the meantime maybe see what he’ll do if you ask him not to have the kids at yours this weekend, could he take them to the park for example – how do you feel asking him this (do you get anxious), how does he react etc – (detail removed by Moderator) xx

[Wispatea]

Yes, and since we separated I have softened and let him in/ back too many times. so much so he controls me, my life and my children while still having his life with his new GF. Last weekend I have finally said no more. This means complete no contact including the children. He is using them to manipulate too. He also tried to take his own life and hurt me just (detail removed by Moderator) so not are with them. It’s so hard and all I want to do is text him and say I am sorry. I will accept it all if only you come back. He was spending little time with us but when he did the love bombing and promises were big. He also did the same saw them at mine and I was always invited out on the trips where I was taken care of and it was like a big family…. ~This is where I have to remind myself its just a cycle and a game to him to have me under his control. I have to remember the things he says the accusations he throws and the physical harm he has caused.
Sorry I know this has turned into a bit of a rant and me story but I have gone through (detail removed by Moderator) of hell since separation and if my story helps someone not get sucked in I will tell it x*x

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you both so much for your views and own stories. It really helps.
I think I’m struggling with the idea that this is so pre meditated by him! I struggle to believe he’s this manipulative.
But you’re right, he knows me well and what works. He’s been saying how nice I look etc (something I used to always ask for more of). I’ve just had counselling and I’ve worked out I’m tired, mood is dropping, low ebb. This is when he thinks he has an in. It’s just so exhausting and think it would be easier to let him come back. But this is the furthest I’ve ever gone.
This site helps, as do my notes. To re read and remind myself of why we split. He has self referred for therapy but that was after weeks and me ignoring his nasty (and then nice) messages. So he’s upped the ante.
Wow- this is hard. Hugs to you all xx

[Discombobulated2022]

Ps yes I plan to ask him to take the children out in future. I’m not getting enough rest and feel him being here is too much

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