Feeling overwhelmed

[Bananaboat]

Good news is that I’ve got a new home.

But I’m finding this next bit so hard & overwhelming, I’m struggling.

I’m struggling to make decisions, struggling to contact the companies I need to, this week I keep bursting into tears randomly. His financial abuse has escalated and he’s not paying any bills now so I’m drowning trying to cover two properties short term. He’s being nice to me but vile to my eldest, staying out a lot and the weirdest part is that he keeps lying about when he’s leaving/where he’s going to live etc. I’m worried about the state the property is going to be left in (it’s rented). All whilst working full time and feeling like I’m failing my duties there too!

I can’t talk to my landlord as several times in the past they’ve bypassed me and phoned him about stuff even though all life admin/responsibilities are sorted by me, they only have his number because it’s on the tenancy docs.

I know it’s the right decision to leave but there’s a weird comfort in living in survival mode and I think my body is struggling to adapt to what life will be like without that. My mind doesn’t stop, thinking of things I need to sort, ruminating on the relationship. Help – how did you get through this and what kind of support should I perhaps seek out?

[Hereforhelp]

I do remember that overwhelming feeling when I first got out and I also struggle with everything that I needed to do (I wasn’t used to making a decision as I had lost myself).

What helped me was my GP, where I am based they had a new clinician who helps vulnerable people, it was a position created when covid was mentally affecting people.

My husband has also escalated the financial abuse since we separated, I go to food banks now (so grateful for this).
Also, I emailed the CAB re help, I don’t know where you are based but your CAB may have help for women who have suffered DA? I was advised to get hold of Rights for Woman (opening times vary depending where you live?). You paying for both properties is way too much! What would happen if you stopped paying for your old home where your ex lives? (Obviously you don’t need to answer that inam just thinking) .

Just an idea but could you write to your landlord, asking for all contact to be made via you? In writing holds more weight.

I can’t think of anything else Bananaboat, sorry I cannot help.

Big love ❤️ I wish had useful advice Bananaboat

[Bananaboat]

Thank you, it’s good to know I’m not alone. I keep reminding myself this is short term and the sooner I move the better I think. Unfortunately I usually do write/email the landlord and that’s when rather than replying to my email or calling my mobile, they call him. All bills are in my name except tenancy and council tax which are joint, so I could cancel most. I know if he doesn’t pay the joint ones I’d be liable but I guess I’m picking that up now. I’ll look into rights for women and cab, I’ve tried to call my Gp in past but failed. Thank you, someone else has posted a similar thread today and like them I just wish there was a knight in shining armour for a few weeks. Although I’m sure even that won’t be the end x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Can really relate to this and mixed emotions of a new beginning and the grass is greener am I doing the right thing. But you are or you wouldn’t even be considering it in the first place, you have had no option and deserve happiness, think about your hopes and dreams and a place where you won’t be looking at the clock waiting for him to come home or similar anxieties you may have had. You will feel free x*x

Are you getting any emotional support, counselling or perhaps consider it to help keep you moving in the right direction.

Keep posting I really hope the move goes well and you manage to get everY thing sorted out x*x

[Bananaboat]

You’re right, I saw something the other day that said, ‘I felt sick to my stomach when I heard his car pull up’, that’s me. The clock watching like you say, I get anxiety for hours between the times he could return. I think counselling is an avenue I need to explore, hope you find a way too, we definitely deserve more xx

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