30th March 2016 at 7:37 pm #12553Eve1Participant
I’m still just feeling like I could sleep a lot and it’s taking me ages to get anything done. That makes me a it angry and frustrated and thoughts about how Igot to this point race around. My abusive Dad, staying for so long with an abusive husband. I want so much to help my daughter not suffer any consequences of it all and it makes me paranoid.
I’m attending a close family members wedding soon and I was looking forward to it but now I’m feeling anxious because my parents are going and seeing them together and having to pretend to everyone, like they do, that they are a’normal’ couple of painful for me. Feel like I’m bearing everything on my own again.
30th March 2016 at 9:33 pm #12560SerenityParticipant
I just replied to your other post.
You need to take extra good care of yourself if you’ve hit an energy low. Don’t feel bad about it. Sleep as much as you can and need.
A family event like you describe is obviously daunting and might be a trigger for you, so go but think of an escape plan is it all gets too much. Don’t put yourself through too much. Keep upsetting people at a distance; don’t discuss your private life with those who won’t respect the information you share. Protect yourself, first and foremost.
At my counselling at present, my counsellor is saying she is going to stop me from talking about other people and focus upon me now. To try to solely focus on and rediscover me. She says this is because it seems that my needs were put on hold during my life and I got lost somewhere in my family and marriage, due to worrying too much about others’ needs.
From your posts, it is clear that you are very caring and empathetic to others’ needs. But like I always was, you feel guilty about having difficulties or focussing upon yourself. Yet you must, Eve. You are, first and foremost, you. This is your life,and you deserve to enjoy but to the maximum, to say no to people, to state your limits ; you are entitled to have feelings and to deal with them in your own way.
I think, like me, your own needs got submerged underneath pandering to and caring for others. But they never should have got lost.
Do all you can to get back on track. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy and well x*x
31st March 2016 at 3:41 pm #12603mixed-up mumParticipant
Hiya – how are you today Eve?
Of course its natural to want to protect your daughter from hurt and pain – you don’t want her worried and stressing – but in preventing her from worrying and stressing – then YOU are worrying and stressing – its upsetting YOU. She wouldn’t want that would she….??
As you know my ex in-laws are in the same position as your parents – and yes for years the whole family put up with the fathers treatment of the mother – nobody said a word – nobody stepped out of line – it was all ‘swept under the carpet’ like they were a ‘normal happy couple’ – and yet in resent years the family HAVE spoken up against their father and supported their mum – but what can they do when mum wont leave dad, and so on and on it goes…….
You feel helpless because only your parents have the power to change things – ie your father gets help and STOPS his abusive behaviour (most likely will not happen at his age now) or the only other thing is your mum finally leaves your dad – but would she cope with that at her time of life now – would I know she is frail – would she be strong enough top get away…..?????
So what can you do but stand on the side-lines and watch it all happen – it IS very upsetting for you I know and you feel so helpless.
The thing is you can step in when he starts – and you can support your mam and defend her – but you cant be there all of the time – and when your not there – then you know it goes on still – I know this is tearing you apart and I WISH I could help – I wish I could suggest something – but I just don’t know what to say.
Your mam would be so upset if she knew how much stress and worry you are taking on your shoulders trying to protect your daughter AND your mam.
Thinking of you, and sending you a big cuddle of support.
31st March 2016 at 7:19 pm #12613White RoseParticipant
Hi Eve. It may be time to tell your GP the tablets/dose you are on just isn’t working for you. There are so many other options.
You will feel better its just taking time x*x
1st April 2016 at 8:33 am #12638Eve1Participant
Thanks for these and the replies to my other posts. It is inspiring to get them.
I’m definitely going back to the gp soon. I’m wary of trying other medication if I’m honest, but these have helped me feel calmer. It’s just all the tiredness and lethargy I don’t need. I’ll see.
Serenity. What you’ve written is inspiring. The thing is, I did feel like that a couple of years ago. I was free of ex. I joined an activity group, looked after myself better, so I know I can do these things. I did also make mistakes, like herding involved with someone married, which is taking me ages to get over and with which the counselling helped and lead me to realise that my childhood was not great and has affected me more than I knew. And know that there’s just me and my daughter, and she has difficult times, and there’s no one to look after her if I’m not here, it’s hard.
M U.M. thank you. I did seem able to take a step back a couple of years ago and that helped. But I know on the post I’ve felt a determination to help my daughter, that’s hard wired into is, isn’t it? And it’s hard to see mum suffer. But I can only do so mucso
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