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My head is really messed up, eh.
We (me, husband, teenager) went out (detail removed by moderator) to an event. Originally I was going to get tickets for me and the teen because it’s not really husband’s thing, but he’s making an effort to be involved so he said he’d like to go as well. Everything went perfectly well. There were no issues (detail removed by moderator) while we were out, nothing. We were like a normal family.
I woke in the night with the most shocking, awful headache, and it’s still in full force now. I know it’s because I was so tensed up against a potential situation. Very often when we’re in public or there’s something at stake – for example, a night out – a situation occurs. It’s as though if he gets in to one of his moods at home, that’s bad; but if he gets in to one of his moods when we’re supposed to be going out, it makes it a hundred times worse. I was so braced against something happening, that when it didn’t, all that built-up anxiety had to come out somewhere.
Not really any point to this post! I’m just so happy to have somewhere to share this stuff with people who might know exactly what I’m going through. x
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No there is is definitely something to note there this is very insidious emotional abuse because its conditioning. its the push and pull effect – the not knowing – ive felt that many times and overall you start to think am I crazy? your not this is a tactic of abuse – be it an undercurrent it definitely is xx
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I understand, it’s all this tension building up in anticipation of a blow out that normally does happen when going out and when it doesn’t, it is kind of strange and we are left with our boxing gloves on but we didn’t need to use them…so what to do?
Breathe deeply in and out and…leave the gloves on until you’re out. -
You chose your name well, darling. Don’t imagine this isn’t part of his playbook, too.
Imagine someone who sometimes hits you. Not always, just sometimes. When they bunch their fist and start swinging, you flinch and feel dread, but this time they don’t follow through.
Is that acceptable behaviour?
He does it to keep you perpetually off-balance. Look – it’s working for him, because he can feel smug that you have nothing to complain about!
Consistent behviour – good or bad – is easy to respond to. It’s clear what’s going on. Inconsistency is uncertainty, tension, dread and confusion.
It’s a tactic. You still don’t know how he will be next time and he will enjoy manipulating you and deciding his moment to pull the rug out from under you.
It’s nasty even when it’s nice.
Flower x
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And people wonder why we act crazy, when everything about his/ their behaviour is Crazymaking. Remember and journal this moment. Hopefully one day, these individual moments will be able to be used in educating future generations. I’m so sorry to hear your head is pounding, they’re our battle wounds. Drink plenty of water, keeping hydrated should help to dissipate the pain. Be aware he might do something to remind you he’s in control. I’ve noticed over the years the minute I’ve let my guard down, started letting him in, that’s when he’d up the ante. I no longer let him in AT ALL!
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕
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