Feeling pretty rubbish

[Aria]

Hi,

Just wondering if it’s normal to suddenly back track and constantly want to message your abuser again? Granted it hasn’t been overly long since I managed to get out of his clutches but I felt like I’d started to heal – just a little bit. I wasn’t crying as much but I was still thinking about him but I just felt more positive.
I’ve moved out of the city that I used to live because he still lived there, just down the road in fact. Now all of a sudden I’ve been feeling so horrible lately, crying randomly, really wanting to message him, thinking about how he might be with other girls and it hurts me so much. I try to change the way I think but it’s like I get flashbacks from things that have happened and I can’t control them.
I’d like to be able to blame it all on pregnancy hormones but I don’t think that’s what it is… it’s around Christmas and New Years which is holds a lot of memories so maybe that’s what’s triggering it..?
Just wondering if there’s any advice for it? I just feel like I’m breaking apart but I know if I message him then I’ll be back to square one and under his spell all over again and I can’t allow that for myself and my unborn baby’s sake.

Hope everyone is excited for Christmas and is doing well! Xx

[Anabela]

Hey dear! I sent you a private message with a link to amazing psychologist on youtube who cheers me up on such missing and teary moments. I was not sure if i can post link on here. Xx

[Tiffany]

It’s pretty normal. I broke the habit of wanting to text him by having a couple of close friends who knew what I was going through and every time I wanted to contact him I touched base with one of them instead. It is a triggery time of year. It gets better as they go by and you build new memories without him. I had a really tough pre-christmas period last year. This year has been much better.

[Aria]

Thank you Anabela and Tiffany, that link was really helpful actually! I don’t have too many close friends and the ones I do have I feel I may have exhausted the issue and might be annoying them still talking to them about it but that may be my own insecurities… Trying to find people I can talk to though. I guess this year is just something I need to get through before it gets better! Xx

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