Feeling, processing and releasing anger and rage effectively

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi everyone,

I am definitely doing better than when I first escaped my abusive relationship but obviously recovery is a long and winding road. I’m finding new things crop up each day, often which take me by surprise.

For example yesterday I felt extremely drowsy and depressed all day despite getting out and ended up sleeping on the sofa for hours. Today I have had much more energy and had a more positive day but have sort of been pushing thoughts of the evil ex and his abuse out of my mind as I want to be able to get on with my life and not just think of his cruelty all day every day.

But this evening I started to feel flooded with anger and rage. I find these emotions so hard to deal with, I don’t think society teaches women how to feel, process and let go of anger and rage at all. If anything we are told to stuff it down because they are seen as ‘bad emotions.’

But we all know that stuffing down emotions just internalises them and they turn up as depression or panic or physical ailments. So I desperately want to feel, process and release all my rage but what is the best way to do this???

I have written some poems, journaled and lot and painted. Plus I walk and exercise. Is this enough? I’m due to have therapy at some point too, on the waiting list.

I’m scared I’ll feel pent up rage forever. My body is extremely achy every single day with what feels like stored pockets of trauma and rage in my poor muscles, I’d love to release all of this and get his poison out of my body and mind.

[Lisa]

Hi Sunshinerainflower,

I just wanted to show you some support and to reassure you that how you are feeling is totally normal. The fact that you are using your anger to be creative sounds great. Some people may also find exercise and fresh air really helpful too as a way of burning off negative energy. Perhaps even a kickboxing class or similar might be effective and may even help you to sleep better and feel more energized but everyone’s process is different.

The fact that you are waiting for therapy is really positive and hopefully that will help you too. Until that time, please keep being kind to yourself and take it easy. Be gentle to yourself as you are going through the motions and how you are feeling will change all the time. We are all here for you so please keep posting.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Anonymous]

Hi Sunshine rainflower what a brilliant post, Exactly how I have been feeling too, not knowing what to do for the best, feeling stuck, lost & scared too. I have positive moments, manage to do things like clean the front room but then collapse in an anxious exhausted heap & sleep on the sofa for hours. I find peace if I can find the strength to go for a walk, find peace in nature. Also mindful colouring. Like you say the recurring thoughts of all the vile things they did haunting our minds, I often as in every few hours get hit by unwanted thoughts of him & he has filled my head with scoldings over many years that I had totally believed I am worthless & useless & guilty for all the abuse I’d suffered in my life, before during & after him too. It is so hard getting ourselves back, daring to speak, think, to stop criticising ourselves & to feel worth anything. I had started to paint the front room as hoped it would make me feel better but it’s taken me over a week & although it was filthy from the people before, I needed to do something to make myself feel of some value, Then the guilt set in, why should I be entitled to be painting a room when on benefits, when so weak & ill I can’t work at the moment, so I started giving up again. Some days it takes me all my strength to get washed & dressed, most nights I’ve hardly slept as wake in utter panic, going over & over all he did, then remembering the good bits about him, asking myself could I have done anything different to stop his abuse, I know I couldn’t as wasn’t just me he seriously abused, he abused his close family too. I think this all takes an incredible amount of courage to get through, I struggled badly the last few years there, left it way too late before seeking help to escape always thinking he’d change! Weak too as in physically, I felt like a slave, unpaid prostitute, lived in fear of all of his ridiculous rules,ones I still think when go to do simple things like flashing the toilet, no I mustn’t what about the water I’m using, want a hot bath then think no, I mustn’t only one a week, water bill! I’m same with electric & food too. Panic panic & more panic yet he is gone, it is all so confusing. All so scary too. Self doubt, no confidence, exhausted from years of being abused. Think the hardest thing for me has been it has been so hard, I never expected to feel worse after I left! Here helps me as we all understand what abuse does to us & we can hopefully help each other through xx

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