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I was so happy that the divorce progressed and that my applicatarion was successful. But now I’m close to being formally divorced I’m feeling so emotional. He destroyed me, but he’s also the only person who I feel that connected to, even now (detail removed by moderator) months later. I feel so awful for feeling this way. He was so so horrific to me at times, yet I’ve never been happier before – how messed up is that?
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It’s the trauma bonding and we’ve all gone through it. I’m several months out now and I still feel it from time to time. It was awful in the beginning and it was only the no contact terms of his bail that stopped me from begging him to come home.
It’s normal, so just keep posting when you need to x
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You’re right, it is messed up, but you know what? I feel exactly the same way and I am sure the majority of people on here have felt or still feel that way about their ex. It’s really awful. I am on my 3rd day of suddenly missing him and feeling connected to him, and yet it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that he never really loved me. It’s a horrible process to go through. It gets less and less, but for a while it still springs up at times (if it isn’t a constant feeling). It will get easier though. My one piece of advice is when you start to remember the good times, replace with the bad. When I start to think of the happy memories of my ex, I flashback to the night he assaulted me. It’s brutal and hard to think of, but it seems to be doing the trick of training my brain into accepting and believing who he really is.
You have lots of support here x
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I’ve just bumped into a family friend and cried all over her about it, I feel rediculous. It’s awful thinking he never cared for me in the same way. I’ll try to focus on the negative times, but it’s hard as I also experience PTSD
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Don’t do anything that triggers your PTSD dear! Just because it works for me doesn’t mean it’s a fix for everyone. I get triggered every so often and it’s terrifying 🙁 just try not to view him through those happy memories, as he has clearly been awful to you and does not deserve your tears or longing for better times with him. It is awful to think they do not care in the same way, I still have times where I analyse everything he ever said or did that was kind and loving and generous and showed he loved me, and wonder if he really could have faked it. I still don’t know. But I know that I would never abuse someone I truly loved, so therefore his love is not good enough for me. And your ex’s love is no where near good enough for you. Please remember that and be kind to yourself, lots and lots of self care and love and pampering is imperative at this time x
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