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Just a down day I guess. Hormones are partly to blame I think. But I’m just so gutted. To see what this man has done to me. He had me feeling like I was so worthless. There was no point in me existing. Honestly. I now suffer with depression and anxiety. It’s so upsetting. I have been through some really awful stuff in my life and managed….but a few years of him in my life and I’m a jobbering wreck! When my anxiety was at its worst, I actually started to question whether I existed!!! It was so scary. I’m so angry that he got me to that point. And that I’m still wondering why I put up with it, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. But when you read things like “women who allow a man to abuse her has been abused in her childhood and chooses a partner in an attempt fix that past relationship” and “they tend to be martyrs” I suppose I’m going to question myself!! Yes, I had an abusive mother but I can tell you for sure that I did not choose him because he was abusive. I chose him and then found out he was abusive! And I have had several partners beforehand (one I was with for over a decade and am on very good terms with), none of whom were abusive. And, sure, it’s established that I’m a rescuer but I by no means do it so that I can feel superior to others…I do it to feel equal to others and because I learned from a baby that it’s the best way to keep from being a target is to keep others happy! Also, not my fault! So annoying! This is why abuse happens because the world says it’s our fault. Where is the responsibility for the people doing it? Why does it all fall to us?
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Hi Sci-figirl, victim blaming is a hell of a lot easier to do than accept these people live amongst us, that their partners do what ours do. Until society as a whole stops victim blaming, it will continue, until the media stops sensationalising abuse and not calling it what it is, the status quo will remain. The advertising regulating body is trying, if you watch the adverts, some of them are changing the status quo. Oxo, have a man making the dinner for the wife coming home. There’s been a few adverts over the years about DA, there a new one from police Scotland, it’s okay, they’re trying but it needs more. The soaps are good at portraying DA but they need a story like the radio show, the archers did. It was set over months,maybe even years, that’s what a soap has to do, show the subtle forms of abuse, not just the wife getting battered and bruised, screaming at each other.
Sci-figirl, you’re okay to rant, that’s what this site is fir too. Better out than in, we’ve squashed all our negatives feelings third years to placate him, you keep the peace, don’t do it to yourself, let all your emotions our, it’s so therapeutic. I’m doing a lot of smashing of crockery just now, straight into the bin. It does feel good🤣
Big hugs
IWMB 💕💕
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