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Hi there,
I’ve got out and I’m pleased that I have, but it’s also been really hard. I can’t explain to my lo what really happened as she is so young, so she can’t understand why we just can’t go back. Then social services have written a report stating that if I don’t resume contact between lo and dad I’m being mean.
I did allow contact before, but this caused a whole load of red markers to appear and he used contact to find out where I was.
My mum expects me to feel really chuffed because I’ve finally got my own place out of refuge but I’m just terrified that it’s all going to come tumbling down as he’s trying to destroy me through court.
Sorry for going on, just wanted to get it off my chest. -
Hi Freedoms,
It is completely understandable that you are feeling low and frustrated, it is difficult when you can’t be honest with your child about what has happened. Try not to worry too much about what social services have written, you know what is best for you and your child right now and if you feel that you don’t want to have contact then that is what you need to do.
It sounds like you have come really far and are progressing really well so try and focus on that. You may feel nervous about having everything you are building taken away from you but if you can stay no contact with your ex then you should be able to continue progressing and moving on. Don’t loose sight of how far you’ve come. You should be proud of yourself, you are doing a great job.
Best wishes
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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Hi Lisa,
Thanks for getting back to me. I do feel quite proud of myself, because I remember how much of a wreck I was when I got out and can see how far I’ve come. It just seems to be a daily battle to keep going.
When you leave a refuge, does that mean that courts are free to release your location to your ex? -
No I wouldn’t think so. Obviously every situation is different but if the courts have ruled that your ex is allowed to see the children then you can make arrangements for that to happen without him knowing where you live. If your ex has proven in the past that he is a risk to you then that shows that him knowing your address is not beneficial. It would be good for you to speak to a legal professional or ask your support worker to contact someone so you can find out more. It might put your mind at ease to have the opportunity to ask a few questions.
Best wishes
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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my ex isnt allowed access to our daughter, he took me thru court 3 years ago, thing is i keep thinkin of letin him see her, its in my head all time, i can only say what i feel on here, he as indirect contact thru 3rd person which a snever happeneed, he as left presents for our dawter who is now (removed by moderator) on front step with long letter for me, askin to see er, and how he misses me, he left his number, tht was in october, why do i keep thinkin bout him, i seen him also in cluib last sept and i wasnt sacred and we chatted, but tht was it, why do i keep thinkin bout contacting him,
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Hi on edge, I just wanted to share a lesson I learned. Leaving an abuser is like breaking a bad drug habit. You may be well away from that drug but it doesn’t stop the cravings you have now and again. As long as you realise that the drug is dangerous to you. You might get an initial high (if you’re lucky) but eventually that drug will seriously harm your mental and physical wellbeing. I like to remember that abusers just want to get close enough to us again to slap us. Stay strong till the cravings pass. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Freedoms, it really does get better. It’s taken me a year to get over the feeling that every time I’m happy and moving on, I feel like he’s going to pull the rug right out from under me. When you get your self confidence back, you realise just how strong you are and how pathetic he is❤️ You’re doing great x
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KIP, I am looking forwards to the day when I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder. Thankfully, the court recognises that this is a difficult situation, so I get to leave well in advance of him.
On edge, my thoughts are there for you with him playing you along. Sadly I discovered that the only way to get my man out of my thoughts is to block all contact.
Even if you don’t feel scared, please try not to let him have these chats in clubs with you as he will probably use them to try to break your resolve. You’re worth so much more. *hugs*
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