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It’s nearly here, the day I get the key to my flat. I feel sick, I’m up at stupid o’clock, I’m eating(kinda) but at least what I do eat is better choices. I’m trying to keep calm, show no outward signs but I can’t sit at peace. My feet are always tapping,I’m tapping my nail’s against each other. I’m so forgetful, I nearly caused an accident today. My side was green but I was in a filter lane so that light hadn’t come on. I’m flashing like an eejit at the driver ‘who went through the lights’, then I realised it was me, oh Lord, if I don’t do this I’m seriously going to kill myself by being so distracted. Maybe I should just give up driving for a while. 🤔 an’t advice on how to calm down before leaving day. I’m going to have an aneurysm at this rate.
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Oh no I really feel for you, anxiety is a pain and really hard to control. Are there things you enjoy doing like reading, colouring or listening to music. I usually try to clean, or read when I feel like that. You are so brave doing this and I wish I had your bottle as I have been in this hopeless scenario for years playing Groundhog Day going over the same old c**p, different day, different year. Do you have some calming tunes you can play in the car? Just imagine the whole new life you will have.❤️
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I’ve been fine but today nothing is calming me, music is annoying me. I’ve actually been cleaning, what I can anyway in this guddle of a house. His stuff lies around everywhere yet goes ballistic if I leave anything, saying how untidy the house is😄 I know it’s due to me getting the key soon, and getting my belongings into the flat. I know it’s nervesnerves nit being able to do anything because wrre still together, but some I won’t be and I’m nervous about how I’m leaving. The thought of walking out and not telling him seems so deceitful, yet telling him to his face, I can’t face that. Not knowing how he’ll react, that’s the scary thing. We’re sitting here, tv’s on, drinking coffee and he hasn’t a clue.😌
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Hi there
I can relate, this is exactly how i was a few weeks ago.. its all so surreal. I was petrified that I would get caught leaving, petrified of his response when he realised, panicked about what he would do and just in turmoil about the whole thing. I really feel for you.
Just think how you will feel when you have done it. Have you thought about communication afterwards? I blocked him immediately as I knew what I was going to get. So think about that and/or changing your number if you think necessary. We all know there is no other way this can be done.. they won’t let us leave and they won’t leave themselves.
Thinking of you, stay strong, because you are.
Xx
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Keep visualising your new safe home. Keep a good mantra going. I want me back. I want a peaceful life. I deserve a peaceful life. I’m doing nothing wrong. Imagine curtains fabrics, paint samples. Keep distracting yourself. Can you stay with family, just say you’re going to visit a sick relative. Or pretend your very ill so he might leave you alone and not pay much attention to you. Do your mindfulness exercises.
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Aye, it’s the not knowing how he’ll react and the sorting out of the finances. I’ve written him a letter suggesting a few options but If he doesn’t/ won’t accept them it’s not the end of the world. I really can’t face him. Once you’re out did anyone have to have any contact with them re, finalising things, or was it all done through a solicitor, I’m thinking of the sale of the house, who gets what(though tbh, I’m not that fussed, I’ve got everything or mostly everything I want out anyway). Maybe it’s because I’ve not got a final day in mind that’s agitating me, once my things are moved out I think I’ll know when that will be. I guess we all do this bit differently. He’s already suggested I go away with a relative😲 to visit other relatives but I’d have to take one of the dogs and obviously can’t do that as I’m not allowed dogs in the flat. Oh I’ll come up with something, I usually do. Just need to visualise my answer more. It’s been quite hard practicing LOA this week. I begin, then other thoughts jump into my head, I consciously chase them out, start again, and then trail off again. Aagghh
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ok you know im always mrs fact lol so this is basically keeping safe in the middle of feeling alot of anxiety. it is hard to keep anxiety down remember its a batural reflex to feeling scared and unsure of what happens next. you need to know exactly what your doing to stay safe whilst leaving and giving yourself quite some time to yourself once your gone. iwmb your so lovely, but you have to put your needs first now. id save yourself the grief and heart ache by changing your sim card – youll have to go no contact its the only way.you know the stunts he will pull to make you feel emotionally black mailed into going back or the alternative is he will make you feel scared. so he dosent know where youll be – great – in a state of anxiety your defenses are weakened so please go not contact and arrange all the finances through the solicitor. when im anxious im all over the place i could barely get the kids organised for school when i was at this stage – slightly different circumstances. be safe, write down your plan as in no contact at all – time to read settle in and reach out for support womens aid, us friends, family people who will listen and support you xx you can do this, stay strong the gp will guide you too. the anxiety will pass and you will forge through this even stronger = think of the life your going to get back love diymum x*x
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Congratulations on securing your own home! What an exciting time. You will be able to fill it with your own things and not live by anyone’s rules. I’m so happy for you and I hope it all goes well.
It will be hard for you sitting drinking coffee and carrying on as normal. I felt awful doing that and so guilty. I also felt deceitful too but…we have to do it this way. We’re not dealing with a rational person. There is no reasoning and we are driven to leave this way. Don’t feel bad, he’ll survive. Go no contact too as your emotions in the relationship are the genuine ones and so you will feel hurt and vulnerable – normal reactions that he won’t have. -
Thanks for the pep talk ladies. I don’t feel so bad now, still a bit nervous. It reminded me of the night before giving birth! Can’t sit still, nervous,excited,terrified all at the one time, wanting to go through with it but scared to, then hours later, a beautiful baby in my arms. My reward for these feelings will be that peace and contentment I felt after giving birth, but I’ll be reborn living in my safe place.
I picked the keys up earlier today, moved a bit of my things in. Was out and about and popped in to it on the way home, I actually didn’t want to leave, this will be good for me. LOA all the way. Guess what, the colour scheme I’d imagined it was, it was to aT, spooky or what. I’ve an appointment sorted to see benefits officer too and will see a new solicitor soon too🤗 just need to see my doctor and then get this show on the road. Will update when I can. 💞💞 -
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❤️❤️yay this is great stuff x
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