Feeling so alone and down

[Starmoon]

I’m really struggling today. I’ve had a number of miscarriages in the past, and have an appointment (detail removed by Moderator), I’m terrified this pregnancy isn’t progressing… I have no comfort in anything at the moment. I feel j. Limbo. I want this baby despite knowing I’ll be doing it all alone.. this will be my last chance to have any more children. I’m so glad of my two children… but feel so alone in all this. This baby was planned but he changed his mind when I found out about the pregnancy, said he didn’t want more children and if I kept it he’d have nothing to do with it. He denies saying this now (to my mum- I haven’t spoken to him) and says he will be there for the baby…. but I wanted a family… the day before he left- I was the love of his life and he’d die without me. Then suddenly he says life is hell with me and he hadn’t wanted another baby… despite planning and trying for one… now I’m alone with it, alone for this baby, and I’ll be alone if I lose the baby too. I’ve lost so much… he seems to be coping just fine, moving on and able to act so reasonably… bu You today im really crumbling

[KIP.]

Hi there, youre not alone. I had a misscarraige too so i know how it feels but you are blessed with two lovley children now so try to look on the positives. Not that its easy when you have a nasty abuser trying to destroy your mental health at any opportunity. Please please try to stop thinking about what he said or did. Its all lies and manipualtion. I doubt he has a sincere bone in his body. It sounds like your mum is still in the picture and perhaps your local womens aid can help you to stay strong through this pregnancy. Youre going to be on an emotional rollercoaster. For every down try to remember ther will be an up. Think of somehting you enjoy doing. Something to take your mind off things. For me i had a couple of movies on DVD that i watched relentlessly. I began to see these movies and comforting so when i was feeling doen i put them on and got lost in them. For me it was the mummy and scorpion king. I dont know why but i managed to get lost in them. Also, lots of baths. Colouring in books which you can do with the kids and which are cheap. You have alot going for you. Your health, your family. Hang in there. Maybe some good councelling would help but allowing him back in your life will not help you regain control of your life x

[Starmoon]

Thank you for your reply. I had some counseling but last year while we were apart and it did do allot to help me understand why I was prone to being in abusive relationships. The time back with him has undone so much. I didn’t stick to the boundaries and rules that I promised I would. I think couples counseling also undid allot of the work I’d done.. it made me feel even more responsible. I’ll look into counseling but will have to pay privately and can’t afford it at the moment. I think there is a freedom program available locally, but the book related is so black and white in its examples of abuse, that I’ve always been worried in the past that I couldn’t relate and therefore it would also make me feel he wasn’t abusive too. My parents are both stil around so I know I’m not entirely alone and very lucky for that. Thank you again x

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