Feeling so alone

[Relieved]

I’ve just been away for a few days with the kids and although I did enjoy it I started to feel very alone while away. I thought I’d feel better when I got home but it seems to have intensified. I’m not sleeping well at home, I slept better while away. All my friends are married or coupled up and I don’t have anyone really to talk to so I’m hoping if I write it all down it may help! My kids are great company but now the school hols are here I am feeling the weight of parental responsibility. Their father has very little to do with them and they don’t want to spend much time with him – they are old enough to make their own arrangements with him thankfully. They saw him last night and he had a dig at me. They tell me this makes them very uncomfortable and puts them off seeing him.

I have thought about trying online dating but not sure meeting someone while I’m feeling low would be a good idea. I had told myself I was going to wait until I felt comfortable being on my own before I tried to meet someone new.

Trouble is I just want to curl up and do nothing but have to work(I’m self employed)and my job is quite isolating which I love when I’m feeling good but I’m struggling with motivation. Usually when I have a few days away I come back with renewed drive but this is the first time away since I’ve been on my own. I know I should be kind to myself but it’s hard when I’m feeling like this. I was so relieved when he went and thought I would be happy on my own but I’m miserable.

[Tiffany]

The sort of good news is that this kind of feeling seems to come in waves. If you give yourself a couple of days kindness it may well lift a bit. It might also help to meet up with friends – even if it is just for coffee or something. Or join a club that means you will see people once a week? Both these things have helped me. Or even just go out to the shops or to your local library or something so you are around people.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Relieved,

I felt the exact same as you when I went on holiday by myself last summer. I was surrounded by couples and came back feeling very lonely so I signed up to online dating. Unfortunately I then met my ex. I realised in hindsight it’s not good to do online dating when you feel isolated and lonely, it’s probably the last thing we should do. I am pretty certain that I gave him a chance as I was so lonely and craving companionship whereas if I’d been in a better place I would never have even considered him.

I recently went to a meetup group and really enjoyed it, I think focusing on friendships is better and then we are more likely to be in a better place to date once we have built up a social network again.

My city has a website which lists loads of mostly free activities, recently I’ve tried three different yoga classes, zumba, a meetup group, a workshop on a hobby I enjoy, a walking group and a sketchbook group. Each one was a positive experience and I have started doing some of them regularly now. Each time it helps build up my confidence a little and makes me realise that there are nice people out there and life going on. My work is also from home and I’m single again after leaving my abuser so I can definitely relate to the isolation.

Be kind to yourself, plan in some really good self care this week then maybe you could have a look at some activities you could try locally to help you to meet some nice people. xx

[Relieved]

Thanks Tiffany and Sunshine, I slept a bit better last night. A friend popped round last night and although I didn’t really feel like being sociable it was nice to see her and she wanted to he(detail removed by Moderator)called Insight Timer which make me feel warm and fuzzy. And yes I do need to get out more but I live in a village with not a lot of activity and I worry about leaving my kids for too long to go further afield.

Thanks for the advice re online dating – I will put that off for a while. I think I met my ex when I was feeling alone and isolated so I know that’s not a good starting point for a relationship!

I might book a reflexology appointment as that always makes me feel a whole lot better although can’t really afford it at the moment. Will try to focus on self care for the next couple of days.

[Escaped not free]

I felt just like this too but it does pass. I actually now love getting time away with my kids alone now. Your feeling low so you are noticing what looks like happy families. When you feel better you will notice the tension that goes on in a lot of families around you. I did this holiday away with my kids and relished the freedom of just pleasing ourselves and nobody else.
You sound emotionally tired so it’s ok to have extra time in bed but then force yourself to get some fresh air and booking treats likes reflexology is a great idea. I too live in a tiny community and feel the pressure and isolation of having to live around only conventional families and being the topic of conversation following failed relationship. It’s horrible and I know the feeling of not wanting to bother pulled up friends who I convince myself must find me a trial. I think it’s great advice to join groups if you can. It’s just not always that easy. X*x

[Woke up]

I totally agree this feeling comes in waves I suffer extreme loneliness as we were always together i had no space at all my whole life was dedicated to his needs and when it ended I had a huge void and thought I would not stop crying but when I ran out of tears and got out of bed and distracted myself from the thoughts about him by walking my dog in a public park every day and even walking to the shops and browsing in a charity shop I do anything now doesn’t matter his silly it is to not wallow and think and I have no time for loneliness xx

[Tiffany]

Are there any groups you could go to with your kids? I grew up in a small village and did a bunch of stuff with my parents as a teenager sports classes, craft workshops, concerts and so on. If there are any groups aimed at mixed ages it might work – I went to a weekly sports thing with my mum. I hung out with the teenagers, she with the adults. It wasn’t an unusual dynamic here.

[Relieved]

Thanks all, have been feeling a bit better today. It’s good to know that it’s normal to feel like this sometimes and it passes. It definitely helps to just get out and talk to people, even if it’s just about the weather!

[Author]

Posts