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It’s taken me months to strike up the courage to write this, but I’m so tired.
I’ve spent years blaming myself and my struggles with anxiety on my partners behaviour, but a recent exchange which happened in front of a colleague has me now questioning if what I am experiencing is abuse?
I have been with my partner for (detail removed by Moderator) years, we have children also.
I am constantly on edge and walking on eggshells in case I upset him, he has only ever been physically violent towards me twice around (detail removed by Moderator) years ago, but it’s how I feel mentally which is affecting me the most.
As I write this I am lay in the tub, silently crying because once again we have gone from normal conversation to me receiving the silent treatment, where I am left wondering what I have done wrong.
I work full time, I have a successful career, I have a child with additional needs, I am always complimented on my home and my children, yet my partner tells me endlessly that I am fat and lazy, and that I bring him down.
He repeatedly accuses me of being unfaithful or being secretive, none of which is true. For instance we were out shopping and a stranger (male) said good morning to me, I then spent the next hour being told I’m a s**g and an embarrassment.
The incident that has made me question everything happened when he called (detail removed by Moderator), I had gone to the loo and my colleague said that I had popped out. I called him straight back and he proceeded to scream down the phone at me, demanding to know where I had been, he was so loud that my friend heard this and she took the time to listen to me, I spoke about so many different incidents, it was like verbal diarrhoea, I couldn’t stop myself, and she stated that his behaviour is actually abusive, both emotionally and financially. I feel pathetic in asking for help, as there are people who really suffer violence, but I am at breaking point and finding it harder and harder to paint on a smile for the world, and I am now seriously questioning if it’s me and my mental health making me feel this way or my husband’s behaviour?
Any advice would be appreciated, as I feel so incredibly lonely in a world full of people x -
Welcome to the forum, it sounds like you’re in the right place. We hide so much from family & friends that it can be a shock when others see what we actually deal with. I found Lundy Bancroft’s book, ‘why does he do that’ so helpful. You can buy a copy or find free pdf versions online. It helped me see so much of my partner’s behaviour was abuse. Emotional, verbal, financial abuse are all as damaging. I also started keeping notes secretly and this helped me notice the patterns, as well as clearing that fog that I was somehow at fault when he flipped or I got the silent treatment. Read posts on here and you’ll probably recognise so many similar traits. Enjoy your bath, try to enjoy his silence and head to bed with a book or watch some telly tonight, nothing you say or do will bring him out of this mood right now so do you. There is hope, hang in there xx
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His behaviour is abuse and the emotional toll it can take on you is real x*x
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Thank you for taking the time to respond, I am sorry it’s taken months to respond, things have gotten really bad and it’s left me in an incredibly dark place. I have realised that I don’t deserve to be treated like this anymore and I have followed the advice and started to secretly keep notes of behaviour xx
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You absolutely do not deserve it at all. I need to read this book. I don’t understand why they are how they are. All I know is my blood pressure through the roof and I now have a dread going home to this behaviour. My heart rate increases on my drive home and that’s not healthy. Hope you’re alright x
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