Feeling so low

[Confusedaboutit]

He’s done it again. Been in a mood since I got home and no idea why. Told him it’s upsetting me that he’s been distant and not payed me much attention over the past few days and is more interested in his phone. He told me I’m being needy and laughed and made sarcastic remarks in response. Now he’s gone to bed and I just went in and he looked at me and looked away and turned his back. This is all my fault. I don’t know if it’s emotional abuse or not but I am really struggling to carry on living.

[KIP.]

It’s absolutely abuse. He’s made you dependent on him for validation and it’s torturous. I’ve been where you are. We depend on them to make us feel good about ourselves. Now I make myself happy. I don’t need anyone else to feel happy. They love it when we run after them, especially if we are upset. Makes them feel powerful. Try ignoring him right back. Go out for a walk or go to another room. It’s just a game to them.

[Confusedaboutit]

Thanks so much for replying. I’m sorry you had to experience it too. How should I move from here? I do love him and we have good days but this can’t go on. When I try and raise what is making me feel sad he just does that whole thing again. I feel lost and I’m sat in the bathroom trying to calm down.

[KIP.]

It’s not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. I spent years blaming myself. Trying to solve a problem that was never mine. Laughing at you is designed to ruin your self esteem. For me it caused depression.

[maddog]

Please contact WA when you feel safe enough to make that call. I loved my ex husband for years despite the terrible rows. What a sham it was. Whenever I suggested separation he called me a coward and stupid and whatever else he could think of, then his behaviour improved a bit and we were back to the whatever normal meant.

He was passive aggressive in spades. He was passive aggressive with sex too. I have reported him to the police now. They’re going to interview him.

All that is happening to you is His Fault.

[Confusedaboutit]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. With sex I feel like I have to do it to keep him interested in me. But that’s not how it should be and I know that.

[maddog]

Everyone’s abusive relationship plays out differently but with lots of things in common. It has taken me a very long time to realise what n**********c behaviour actually means. Passive aggressive/n**********c people don’t ‘do’ love. You never feel as though you are sharing stuff including sex. It is all about them.

I felt a kind of duty with my ex to have sex with him. He felt entitled to do what he liked whether I was awake or not. Always, always perfunctory. I must have had blinkers on big time.

[Rainbowcloud]

Mine does this its punishment for nothing you have done hes keeping you in line that all like a dog sorry if its harsh but its true, mine does it too its games. I used to do what you did and cry and chase him dont do it it inflates their ever growing self importance ignore him back pretend he isnt even there.
How dare he treat you like that this will never change I know because Im in it but I dont play like I used to because no matter what you do you will never win .
Its him not you dont blame youself hes a nasty person

[Chickadee]

If your using sex to keep a man, something is wrong somewhere with the relationship. And that you know it is not okay, is a step forward. Build your own self-esteem.

And if a man is staying with a woman only for sex, there is no relationship, but sexual.

[Author]

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